Never Say Never

I used to tell myself that I would never date a smoker. I find smoking to be gross; but I'm a hypocrite because I find myself smoking a cigarette occasionally. I dated a smoker. Well, I broke one of my own rules, making myself a hypocrite once again.

Good Time Hoe

The good time hoe is a girl you will run into where she will only be around for the good times. As soon as it starts getting rough, she splits. The good time hoe typically is one which you cannot have a serious relationship with. It is purely physical, nothing more, nothing less. Do not expect more than that. You cannot trust, or fall in love with a good time hoe, she will fuck you over if you let your emotions get the best of you. A good thing about the good time hoe is that you can get some at your disposal. It's like a sex reserve at your bidding.

Dating the good time hoe is a risky move. This girl will put herself in compromising situations a lot of the time. She doesn't reason well, and she doesn't want to be saved. By saved I mean that she doesn't want to change in a way that will be more beneficial for her future. She has mostly guy friends, and even they are trying to get with her. She tends to use drugs, and likes to party, which once again could put her in compromising situations.

Have no attachments. She will only be around to have fun. There is no other way to put this.

This post was made possible by:
Mike Stalcantsayhislastname & Neighbor Joe

Ignor'd

I hate being ignored.

Stray

Things we don't like:
Being yelled at, made into your bitch, endless criticism, sex is taken away, bossiness, we stop getting attention, we don't feel appreciated, control freaks, nagging, and a lack of communication.

A fight every now and then won't trigger your guy to stray. We will leave the situation and find a more desirable one if we must. Some are too cowardly to break up so they cheat instead. I have no respect for someone who cheats. You should just break up and then go on another conquest.

Italians

I am overly attracted to Italian girls. I've dated so many of them!

This Ones For You

Many of my friends know what I'll say when Daedra Moore is mentioned. I'll simply say," We don't talk about her." That's how it has been for roughly the past year or so. I haven't wanted to hear about her, know about her, see her, whatever the case may be. She was dead to me.

Judging by that first paragraph you can infer that I've had some hostility toward her. If you knew what happened, you wouldn't blame me.

But this is where the tide turns. Over the past few months that hostility has slowly eroded away.

I learned a lot in that relationship. If it wasn't for her I would've made the same mistakes all over again with Ellen, especially not following my dreams, and dropping everything for a girl. My care free attitude and inner adrenaline junkie was all brought out by her. When I look back on the past three years, Daedra left the biggest impact on me. I grew up a lot because of her, and in some ways I have to thank her for everything that has happened since. I like the person that I've become.

So this is for you Dae.... Thank You.

Approval Game

I always found it amusing when friends/family want you to meet their new boyfriend/girlfriend. I personally would rather not meet these newly formed crushes until they have passed the eight month mark.

Odds are they will break up before then if it isnt working out. Why should I get to know this person and maybe liking them, only to find out that they break up several months later. I hate having to ex-communicate people. In honesty I don't have to stop talking to them. It just makes it uncomfortable when they mention your friend/family.

My sister started dating this new guy, and I have yet to meet him. I know she wants my approval but I refuse to meet the guy for another 6 months or so. Am I wrong? Should I just meet the guy and get it over with? I know a point will arise when she asks what I think of him. If I like him, well that's awesome for her, but what if I don't like him. What if I think he is some poor excuse of a boyfriend. Will she take my advice and cut him loose? I doubt it. What's the point in even saying anything at all. I would hope she would take my advice. Outsiders can definitely see more considering they aren't blinded by feelings.

Everyone does this, even me. We all want to know if we have a good catch or not. Most of the time the answer is "no", but we ignore outside advice and stick to our emotional attachments.

The reason why I wrote this is because I'm going to follow my own rules here as well. I'm not going to ask anyone "what they think" until I have lasted the eight month mark. Until then things are new and fun, it's after the eight month mark that you can actually gauge the long term commitment of the whole situation. When I finally do ask for opinions I actually will take that advice seriously, obviously others see what I don't.

The Jungle

STAY TRIMMED DOWN THERE!!!!!!

No one likes adventuring into the amazon.

Fake Tales of San Francisco

Next time I decide that I'm going to move or whatever the case may be, I'm not telling a single person until I'm two weeks away from going.

People ask too many questions, and right now, I don't feel like answering them. That is my own fault. If I just kept my mouth shut I wouldn't have to explain "why" I'm not going anymore. It would remain a secret.

The Rising Sun

Since I decided against going to San Fran I've been noticing images, and the name of the city everywhere I look (magazines, advertisements, news) and it's driving me nuts. When I see the images, or name all I do is sigh and stare at it. The reason being because there is a memory tied to it that makes me feel connected.

Moving there was going to be my way out of this routine. I'm bored of being here. Even while I was in high school I told myself that I am going to get away from this place, and explore other parts of this country. A year and a half later, I'm still here, wasting away. Since the beginning, I thought Washington DC would be a good fit for me. Going to DC was actually my goal when I started my first semester of school here. With what I want to do right now, DC is the best place for me to try and pursue that dream.

During the summer this year I changed it to San Fran. I felt like I found my scape goat. When I visited there in October I really did fall in love with the city. But as I started thinking more and more about the situation; I noticed that my priorities shifted from getting away to it being for someone else. I didn't think that was fair to either her, or myself. Lets face it, I would've not been happy if I wasn't going for ME. If your personal happiness isn't satisfied, you can't make someone else happy. I would eventually feel like I sacrificed more than she did, and it would just destroy everything. I would eventually be there, heart broken and feeling completely alone. I would've regretted going in the first place.

I then decided to come back to my original dream. If my dream fails, at least I know I attempted to pursue it. I wouldn't want someone to change everything for me, that in its self would be a burden. We are too young to give up on our dreams, and settle for something. I would hate myself if I didn't at least try.

If I fail I can always go to the city by the bay.

Besides the practical knowledge which defeat offers, there are important personality profits to be taken. Defeat strips away false values and makes you realize what you really want. It stops you from chasing butterflies and puts you to work digging gold.
-William Moulton Marston

I kind of do hope Ellen and I meet again. She definitely left a lasting impression on me. I wonder if I left one on her.

Astray

I have no idea what I'm doing right now. Over the past two weeks so much has happened that I don't know how to react, or how to tackle those problems. I've been quiet, unhappy, and just feeling completely aimless. What the hell am I doing? I seriously just lay on my bed and do nothing. I'm feeling lost again.

Accountability

At the end of the day you have no one to answer to but yourself. You don't have to be a Rockefeller to accomplish everything in life. If you see something you want- go for it. No one can stop you from your dreams.
If you fail, at least you know you failed trying instead of doing nothing. You, and only you, control your future. No one else.

Adventure.

This summer I want to do something that almost sounds crazy and impractical. I want to vanish for a month. More than likely I will be gone for 2 weeks easy.

When I say vanish, I seriously want to drop off the map. I don't want people to know where I am, and what I'm doing. This would obviously be family and friends. I want to see if I could do such a thing. Not only that but I would like to visit a new city every 2 or so days.

To do this, I can't log into blogs, or social networking sites. I can't even take my cell phone or credit cards. I can't accidentally slip up and say where I am, which is why i would be prohibited from doing those things. If people really want to find me they will, but I just want to make it a little difficult.

During the 2 weeks, I will roam around the country going from city to city. I just want to do a whole bunch of stuff and come back with interesting storys to tell. More than likely I'd wait till I'm 21 to undertake such an adventure. And by then I will have the financial means of accomplishing such a trip.

I may be crazy, but this idea seems awesome to me. I will not back down.

What could've happened?

I sit here right now thinking about what could have it been.

I know a lot of people get hit by that at one point or another. For me, this would be probably the second time that I am having this conversation. Last night I pretty much ended the chances on something before it started. I'm glad I did though, because in all honesty I could never be happy moving across the country for the wrong reasons. I'm smart enough to know right now that I was at fault. My hopes were high on something that hadn't even started.

I'll probably lie awake in bed for the next few weeks thinking about all of this. I know I made the right decision, it just feels like I wasted both of our time. Also, where do I go from here?

The right decision

When have you made the right decision? I am typically always at war with myself over this question. I'm sure someone else may hit the same road block one day.

When you have made the right decision you won't ever look back on it. You won't second guess yourself, nor will you have any doubts. If you aren't concrete on the decision, you might be making a mistake.

Long Distance.

So why is it that this long distance thing with Ellen is fairly easy for me.

Well we never made it official. Ellen and I are together but not making it official saves us from the jealousy that typically occurs during long distance relationships. I will admit I can be a jealous guy at times, and this was probably for the best.

Personally I put up with wall for my own safety. I try not to get too attached to the other person. I have found that letting your guard down typically hurts you really bad when a break up does occur. Would I continue having this "wall" up after a year or so in a relationship? Probably not. I'm sure by then it would fall on it's own. When I do put my guard down though, is when I start really liking that person.

This may sound a bit mean, but we don't get in each others way. We follow our daily routine, squeezing in each others text messages in between down time. I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say.

I trust her.

I really want to see how we make this work. Ellen and I are a good match I think. Sure we have many differences, but I think we could learn a lot from each other.

We have been upfront with each other.

We have found different ways of communicating.

1. We text message back and forth everyday; which is nice because we can respond to each other as we find the time. We have busy schedules right now and it works out well.
2. We call each other every now and then. It's kind of hard to find time when both of us are doing nothing. But when we do talk, our conversations can last for quite a bit of time.
3. SKYPE! Skype is awesome because we can see each other. The down side we have noticed is that we tend to stare more than we do talk. It's really distracting when we are trying to talk. My mind typically goes blank when I see her, and I smile A LOT.
4. We write letters. We have sent quite a bit of letters to each other. The thing we love most about them is how personal they are. You may thing we run out of stuff to talk about... but we don't. Our minds are always brainstorming up questions, and topics. We tend to save the more personal questions and topics for the letters.
   

I really can't think of other reasons right now...

Warm Underwear

If you've never warmed up your underwear in the dryer before you wear them... you should definitely try it. Especially with it being cold outside. I don't recommend you doing this in the summer.

I first got the idea from an episode of Boy Meets World when Cory warmed up his socks in the microwave before he put them on. Well, I tried the socks thing, which was awesome, but then I was like... what about my boxers? Well sure enough it was genius.

Words cannot explain how awesome it is. You have to experience it on your own. If you think this is completely stupid, try it then get back to me.

Wet Socks

It drives me insane when my socks get wet some how when I'm walking around the house.

I'm sure it pisses everyone off. I mean seriously, how hard is it to wipe up the water you spilled?

This post doesn't need to be long.

RAVI OUT!

The Secret

What is Victoria's Secret? This has been a question that I've been wondering about for quite some time. Obviously the sexy under garments are supposed to distract us from the secret. What could be the secret...? This is what my conclusion has come down to.

Herpes
_________________________________________________________

I'm joking of course.

Men love the V.S. It's the perfect gift for all occasions. Birthdays, Anniversary's, Columbus Day... I know I couldn't ever refuse that.

Horsepower!

OH MY GOD.... HORSEPOWER! (Imagine me saying that in a squeaky high pitched voice.)

That was my response to Joe when he said, "Ravi, to me you're the same kid as you were sophomore year."

You see... I was talking about how people change over the course of time. I know I've come a long way since my sophomore year of high school. But with Joe and Andrew I really haven't changed much. I can recall from day one they have been my car buddies. We would dispute car facts and numbers all the time. Andrew would get angry when he knew we were right.

We thought that a Honda with a VTEC Controller was godly, and that Rota's were just, good cheap wheels when in fact they're terrible wheels.

Those were the days. We still do this, it's just not as frequent as it used to be. As we have grown up, so has our taste in cars, among other things.

Other things: Girls, Booze, Parts, brand loyalty, friendship.

Last year I was introduced to Mike Stallcantsayhiscrazylastname by Andrew and Joe. We all mesh well together, and often use Mikes house as a base. I just wish that I was 21 so I could go out to bars with them.

Over the years we have remained to be good friends. We have helped each other out, given advice, and criticism. I wouldn't trade these guys for anything. They're my home boys.

Time is Running Out

I've been getting an eerie feeling lately when I sit in my car. I feel like Elliot won't be around for much longer. It's starting to creep me out. I can only hope nothing happens.

Personal Satisfaction

How satisfied am I really with my life? Not at all. I don't think I can be satisfied unless I'm a millionaire. I have so many wants/desires.

One thing I have started doing is that I have lowered my standards. I don't get my hopes up, I try to make it so that I will be content with most situations. If I keep my standards low, how can I ever be disappointed?

I've seen a 60 Minutes story where they said that Denmark was the happiest nation in the world.
I was like... WTF!? What am I doing wrong! A lot apparently.

When will I be satisfied? I don't think I'll really ever feel satisfied with my life. How else would I be motivated to try harder and achieve something? Will I be content with some aspects... well, yeah definitely. But not all of it.

Ravi Patel is always wanting something that he can't have. When I finally do get it, I find the next cool thing I want...

Here's the 60 Minutes Story:

Indian Radar

Indian Radar: much like Gaydar. Without the gayness.

Definitely without the gayness. I feel my radar go off when I'm in the presence of a brownie.

It starts with facial features, and skin tone. I've noticed that Indian people have the same nose. From the forehead the nose juts sharply inward, then comes out. Most Indian people are fair skined, unless you're from the south then your just really crispy. Indian men also have massive foreheads.

It's weird how I can know this sort of thing by looking at someone. My radar has failed me once or twice, but that was because the kid looked Latino.

It's pretty easy for people of different ethnicity's to hunt each other down. It's wired into our brains. One minute I'm taking shots and the next I get a feeling that I am" in the presence of a fellow brown person."

Big Trucks...

Can someone please explain to me why people lift their trucks? Obviously this sort of enhancement is completely impractical. I think unless you plan on taming the Amazon your lifted truck is completely useless.

I have always seen the same kind of people with lifted trucks.

1) Self Proclaimed Rednecks.

2) Skinny white guys.

3) People who wish the Confederates won the Civil War.

Personally I just don't see the point in lifting a truck that high. I like trucks, I do think they're practical, just not when it's 5 feet off the ground.

When you drive a truck this big, your handling is shitty for sure. If you have to make a emergency lane change, or swerve, more than likely your going to roll over.

How about the safety of those around you? If someone slams on their brakes, and you don't see it... more than likely you will stop on the roof of their car. Changing lanes, I would imagine, is a nightmare. You couldn't even check your blind spot(s) if you tried.

How about common courtesy? I went to the mall around Christmas one year. And I saw this lifted Ford F-250 taking up 3 spaces because of its massive tires. How big of jerk must you be for taking up spots like that?

Why does the DOT allows this? It's not safe.

Maybe I'm the retard for not getting the concept.

Commercials/Movies

I have noticed that there are certain commercials, and movies that I DO NOT want to sit through with my parents, or sister for that matter.

Examples for commercials: Penis Enlargement, Erectile Disfunction, Tampons, Girls Gone Wild, Victoria's Secret (what is her secret anyway), and Trojan ads. These are just examples.

Movies: ANYTHING WITH SEX, OR NUDITY.

First off, Im sure I could've just narrowed this stuff down to anything with sex, or nudity. But some ads on TV with sexual stuff are actually funny as hell. In that case, the awkwardness is dissipated. Proof?

I'd rather not go through the awkwardness...

Downfall of Man

Alcohol. I cannot begin to tell all my alcohol related stories. Honestly I think I might be better off If I never drank that much... Nothing good ever comes of it. "Millions of people get drunk every weekend. They spend vast amounts of their incomes on this "amazing" drink! This video is about a substance that killed people, made young girls pregnant, created hatred, started fights!" That is a direct quote from the maker of the video posted below. Always in moderation. I'm not going to say anything else.

Status Updates

Facebook is starting to scare me... EVERYONE HAS ONE! Even my boss.

I learned a long time ago to be weary of my status update. It's kind of weird when your mom asks about how drunk you got last night. Those sort of updates ended right away. Plus it makes you look like a moron when you have statuses like that... I'm sorry "Drunkfest 09!" makes me think that you're an idiot. I'm glad I grew out of that... quickly.
Since then, I have realized that a persons' status impacts whether I want to message them or not. Today for instance... My buddy Chris' status was," Barney in HD changes lives." You know what... I liked that status, so much that I clicked the "like" button. I really still want a dislike button... that would be awesome.

Facebook has become a great way for me to keep up with friends. Most of them are away at college, and honestly I'd like to see their pictures, friends, updates, relationship status, networks, groups they're in... the works... I LOVE MY FRIENDS! I stalk them... like gazelle.

I can admit that I've become addicted. I usually get on Facebook more than 5 times a day. I get happy when I have new notifications. That is the only reason why I get on so much. Makes me feel important. And that people want me.

I feel like I need to comment on other people's walls and pictures. I'm sure they feel the same way. We all love feedback.

I read a statistic that 94% of high school seniors in St Charles county have a Facebook page... those other 6% are losers (Makes me feel like the other 6% are hiding something... a dead body perhaps? Get a page dammit! I want to stalk you).

Belonging

I can honestly say I don't really know my place in this country. I'm not exactly wanted by the Indians, nor do I feel completely accepted by westerners. I'm stuck in the middle. Now my friends who are reading this will be like,"But Ravi, we love you man." I know you guys do, but it's just how I've always felt.

I describe myself as a really tan white guy to my friends. I'm not very Indian at all. I could care less about Hinduism, I eat meat, and I criticize almost everything in my culture/family. I don't exactly feel accepted here either. Every now and then I get the "Go back to where you came from" remark thrown at me and it's really frustrating. This is my country, my home. I have no where else to go.

My family is very judgmental, and they are hesitant to change away from the old country. My parents push the family agenda on me... they fear what the family thinks of them. I am to marry a nice Indian girl who is a Patel (not a relative... just the same caste). They also push the religious crap on me, which makes me want to do it even less. I have a feeling that's why I'm becoming agnostic. To make matters even worse they really try making Chandni (my sister) and I play the family politics. I could give less than two shits what my so called family thinks of me. I'd rather not play the game and do what makes me happy.

My parents...
I love my parents don't get me wrong, but they just piss me off. I honestly think they care more about what "my family" thinks than my own happiness. Example: I really think they would rather see me marry a Indian girl and me be miserable than seeing me with someone who I really do like. Has anyone noticed this marriage issue continuously brought up in my blogs? It's a huge deal.

Me:
I am nothing like most Indian guys. I do not conform to my parents wishes. No Indian kid has the juevos that I do. I straight up tell them how it is. I date white girls (which they hate), I do what I want, and I honestly could care less about conforming for the family.

This move to California for me isn't just for school. I'm leaving some room for something that needs to happen...

In the end I'm not marrying an Indian girl. I've told myself this since I was 13 years old. This is going to tip everything over the edge. I will be shunned... temporarily. I can't see my own parents outcasting their own son for more than a few years. Maybe I should rephrase that... I can't see my dad outcasting me for more than a few years. My mom couldn't do it for more than a few months. My parents need to see how retarded they are. What's more important... their own son or the rest of my so called family.

My move to California is supposed to brace me for living on my own without their support. I know I can't rely on them.

This is why I don't feel connected to anything... I'm alone.

Friend Request

There have been plenty of times when I sign into Facebook and I see a friend request. This goes one of three ways.

A) I HATE THIS PERSON!
B) Who the fuck is this?
C) Approve

I will break down these situations as I respond to them.

(A) When someone who I don't like adds me as a friend... I simply deny them. Hopefully they can get the hint if they've attempted to add me as a friend 5 times before and I still haven't approved it. Funny because this one person still doesn't get it. I don't care if I hurt her feelings. Jordan Parker has added me as a friend over 5 times. On the 6th time I approved it over the simple fact that I was getting annoyed with the non-stop requests. Well her status updates really annoyed me. Seriously why does your status have to look like this "OuT wItH tHe GiRlZ" or just some random shit like "YoU dOnT kNoW wHaT yOu HaD. yOuLl ReGrEt It." So what do I do? I deleted her as a friend. Well since then, I have received another 3 or 4 requests from her. I denied like 3 and on the 4th one I got the following message. "It really upset me that you denied my friend request." Well I laughed and I was like... obviously you still don't get it because I just denied your request again. I'm such an ass.

(B) These ones are always annoying. Most of the time I've never even met this person. One time I got a request from this kid who lived in India. Obviously I deny these right away. Why the fuck does this person want me as a friend other than to increase the number of friends they have.

(C) Approve. It's that simple.

I routinely delete people who I don't talk to often. I mean why should I even be friends with them if I never even message them at all. I think it's just the right thing to do.

My rant is done.

I Disappear

I have this tendency of falling off the map, if you allow me too. I can drift away from friends quite quickly and do my own thing until

A) My friend(s) hunt me down and wanna hangout.
B) I want to hangout with them.
C) We run into a each other.

I honestly have no clue why I slip away. For some reason when I start getting busy I like being left alone. I look for distractions way too often and most of the time I end up getting behind... especially in school. Its not like I hate other people. I can just appreciate time alone.

Its always funny when I do regroup... Everyone is like "Ravi what the hell have you been doing." I'm always like "Oh nothing. Just work, and school." Usually that is the case. I take advantage of sleeping as well when I have extended down time. When I get busy I hardly ever sleep, during school months I'll average sleeping 5 hrs a night. Sometimes even no sleep at all.

I have a feeling that my absence will be even worse this semester. You see I want to really do good my last semester here in St Charles before I move to San Francisco. I wanna look good.

How to keep Ravi Patel from disappearing:
1) Call me at least once a week, or text to catch up, or ask random questions.
2) Invite me to parties.
3) Ask me to hangout.
4) Force me into a situation where I can't turn you down.

Now let me tell you something about myself... If I haven't slept enough I will more than likely make up excuses. Can you blame me though? I just think people should know this. Not like I didn't warn you.

Party Atmosphere

I've been to my share of parties. There is always this vibe you get when you walk in. The vibe is one of the following...

1. Holy crap... this is gonna suck. Why is everyone just sitting around doing nothing. The music isn't on, and everyone is watching comedy central... WTF! Even the damn dog looks bored.

2. Tonight is gonna be fuckin' awesome. The music is bumping, the people here are cool as hell, and I feel like everyone is in the mood to party. Holy shit someone brought sandwiches... this is awesome.

I think what makes a party is PLANNING. When you plan something a few days, or weeks in advance, everyone is in the mood to go crazy. You've set your mind in party mode. All you can think about is "I'm gonna have a great time tonight, and I'm gonna dance. I'm gonna beer pong, and pass out. I need to release and get out of control."

Short notice parties suck; because you have this high expectation to have a good time. Your trying too hard. You bring booze... you don't even wanna drink it. You didn't even want to go to this stupid party. You did anyway because you had nothing better to do.

Now you may ask... But Ravi I got invited to this party. Its kind of last minute. Well... ask if this party has been planned for a while or its short notice. Obviously based on that you can decide if you want to go or not. Or just go anyway if you didn't ask. If it sucks, make up a excuse to leave to go home and sleep.

I usually decide if I want to go to a party or not based on this... It's really good advice I think. For some reason though I still go short notice ones... for the off chance it could be a really good time... even though I doubt it.

Wifey

Future wife (who knows when it'll happen) has to be a perfect. I'm a little too picky according to friends, but I feel that with something like this you gotta be picky.

1. She has got to be into cars. This is a must, otherwise how else will I be able to have the cars that I want. I can't be getting yelled at for ordering a bigger turbo, or sending a car to the shop to get tuned. She will have to understand that cars are a passion, and that she should feel loved to be driving a bad ass car and not a station wagon.

2. The girl has got to be able to drive. I make fun of women driving all the time. It's true ask Alex Luttrell. I'm very biased when it comes to women driving. I have got to feel comfortable that she is driving, and feel safe with her behind the wheel.

3. The ass requirement must be there.

4. Non-Indian. I can't picture myself marrying an Indian girl like my parents want.

5. Has to be intelligent. You can rate this on various levels to be honest. If she has her own opinion and can back it up with facts... well that's perfect.

6. Low maintenance. As in, I won't get chewed out for not buying her tons of things. I don't mind going out or buying stuff its just really bitchy if you keep wanting more and you have nothing to offer back.

7. Got to be able to cook. I know I make it sound like "Woman make me a sandwich." I don't mean to sound that way, I'll cook too, but... you know, I want to eat deliciousness.

8. Laid back. I'm a very laid back person, I cant have a nut case that's all cracked out. I think having a mellow nature saves you from a lot of stress.

9. Compromising nature.

10. I like a girl who can hold her ground. I'll definitely call her out when she is being retarded, but if she can argue her point, I'll be content with what ever her reasoning is.

11. Obviously we gotta have many things in common.

12. How does she feel about my family probably not ever liking her?

13. Has to love traveling. I personally love long haul flights, and going to some place I've never been. She has to love exploring, and experiencing new things like that.

14. How does she feel about kids? Personally I want kids. I've decided on 3 little bastards.

15. Has to be able to get along with my sister.

16. Has to be able to think ahead. I like enjoying the present, but I feel like you got to be able to plan for the future as well.

17. I gotta have someone who is aware of what's going on around them. (Current World events, status of our country, economy, political b.s., etc.)

18. She has got to be motivated. I do procrastinate, but when I set a goal, holy shit do I accomplish it.

19. Must be able to drive manual.

20. Her family can't be crazier than mine. I can't handle more crazy.

Plan

I like having a plan. I like planning ahead, especially goals, things I want to do, Etc. And the more I plan, I tend to come to one thing and stop... KIDS.

I know tons of people freak out when you talk about kids. Not me. I honestly love kids. They're entertaining. And besides, I would like to continue the Patel blood line.

I have to get all my sports cars, and craziness out before then. Unfortunately you can't put your kid in the trunk of a car traveling at over 80mph. That was news to me too. I mean it isn't only the cars... What about traveling overseas for an extended period of time. Kids get in the way of that.

You can't enjoy life as much when you have kids. That child will change your entire life. It takes your complete dedication. I know I won't be as nuts when I have a kid. Why would I want to risk something happening to me... its not just all about me anymore at that point.

I'm going to be a bad ass dad, I've already decided on this. There is much that I won't do that my parents did. If you know anything about my parents... you would understand why.

The Indian Appeal

There is something about us Indian guys that gets the girls all crazy. I have an idea why this maybe the case...

1. They love the brown. My all time favorite pick up line always worked wonders. The UPS slogan "What can brown do for you" was such an ice breaker. I think girls get jealous of my year round tan. I've never had to worry about being pale in my life.

2. They are very much interested in the culture.

3. My family is really good looking.

4. I've always been told the following. And I don't really take offense to it but I just find it puzzling. "I'm going to use you for brown babies." Well first off, remind me not to ever use a condom handed over by you. They all have thought about it... and I know it to be true.

5. There are over a billion Indians out there. They know the odds are against them. I'm going to quote something from Russell Peters, "Sooner or later... We're gonna hump you."

6. To piss their racist parents off.

Of these 6 up here I think "1" is the best reason I can come up with. Its a really foreign to them. Obviously I'm not black, and I'm not white either. I'm just a really tan white guy.

Luckily I'm not banking on my Indian Appeal to get girls, because that would be a dumb idea. I feel like I'm in my own category. I am Ravi Patel.

The First Kiss

Ahh the first kiss. You've been hanging out with someone for a few weeks and you like them... and you gotta make the move... The first kiss is usually a good indication of how well you connect. If you feel something, its golden. If not, try again with someone else. People get so stressed over just a simple kiss. But we all know its not "just" a kiss. Its often used as some sort of reference weather you'd date someone or not.

Now if you're like me, you know you gotta choose your time of attack well. I prefer to go for it during a more laid back, and comfortable hang out session.

Key signs!- Are both parties being flirty? Are you two having a good time? Is the other person relatively comfortable? DO NOT underestimate the comfort factor, its crucial. If alcohol is involved...BE CAREFUL. My always favorite signal is one that I have caught onto over many years... Change in voice. Girls voices get higher, guys voices get softer.

I find that the movie Hitch has A LOT of information useful for clueless people.


Situations...

A. You are staring into each others eyes- Holy shit it cant get easier than that... Its the biggest dead give away. GO FOR IT.

B. Someone is playing hard to get- Grab their neck from the back and gently pull them towards you. Do not do this if you're not confident. YOU MUST BE CONFIDENT.

C. Some how you instantly connect... and its like HOLY SHIT! KISS ME! I have never been in this situation, sounds something too hollywood-like. But you know what... whats the worst that could happen.

D. Your not sure- Go for it anyway...

Now there are some rules if you succeed. More than likely both of you will enjoy it. Sure sign is if you see a smile. NO SMILE=FAIL. But things will kinda progress from this...trust me. GO WITH THE FLOW. If you have to think about your next move, you might have failed... DO NOT OVER THINK! OVER THINKING=FAIL. Don't think. Everything falls in place on its own from this moment on.

Crazyness

Feeling Good

So, after many months of dating weirdo's... I may have hit the jackpot. Definitely a girl I would like to put up with. Now, this is definitely a girl that's legit... No WTF moment or anything like that. Her mind is just as twisted, and just as dirty. We get along great, and we can talk about various things for countless hours. Taste in movies, and music seems to be the same. Books on the other hand I'll have to get back to you about. She's gorgeous, smart, and quick on her toes. So far all things are going ahead forward. I hope it continues to progress that way.

Moving to San Francisco

I tell people I'm moving to San Francisco, and I always get one of two responses.

Response 1- Dude, that's so awesome.

Response 2- Your an idiot. Why do you want to go there. The gays are there.

I feel like if I don't explore while I'm still at this stage in life, I wont ever go do it. I don't want to look back on my life in six or seven years and be like "I really should have gone some where new."

Lets face it... no one likes change. I'm nervous as hell about moving to a city I know nothing about. I have some family in SF but I don't even know their names. I'd also only know about two people there. I am scared as hell.

Living there- My goal is to find an apartment within a month. Till then I'd crash with family. I really want to live on my own. I want to fend for myself, and learn responsibility. I know its gonna be tough. I'm gonna be working hard, and going to school. My life will probably be really tough... especially my first six months. After that I'm sure the routine will kick in.

Motivation- Kids here in Missouri will always bitch about living here. They claim to hate it, and blah, blah, blah. Yet when they graduate from high school they opt to go to school in-state. Financially its a wise move. But then they continue to trash talk it. They end up getting married here, have kids here, move to the same suburb they grew up in, and they end up dying here. All that sounds very rough, I know it does. I don't want to be like any of those kids. I'm gonna take the financial hit and move. I have a feeling im going to look back on this decision and be very happy that I decided to do what I did.

Money- I'm planning on finding another bank job out there. I've found a few positions. I have a feeling I'll be doing a various amount of side jobs as well. A large part of my money for school stuff/ living out there will come from student loans.

School- This is the main reason why I'd even be out there. Most of the top 25 business schools are located in California. I figured that I might as well become a in-state resident to save myself some cash later down the road when I do transfer out of the City College of San Francisco.

Life- My life will be tough out there. I know it will. I'll be thousands of miles away from home, friends and family. But I'll definitely have more opportunities in California than I would in Missouri.

California Dream- The California Dream can finally be accomplished. This is another reason that I'd love to go. This idea of moving far away has been a idea for many years. I've just been afraid to act on it. With the help of a lovely young women (yeah the same one) my idea, is finally becoming a reality. All I needed was a push, and for that I'm very thankful.

I'm still going regardless of what people think about this move. Its gonna suck at first but it'll get better.

Marriage

It was brought to my attention by a lovely young woman last week that I entertain the idea of marriage A LOT. To which I was like... Yeah I kind of do, Don't I.

Lets step inside my head for a bit shall we? Ever since I can remember I've been told to marry an Indian girl. On top of that, they wanted specifics. Such as last names, what village her family is from, proper age to be married by and the wealth of her family. I have not gone a solid week in my life when such a topic, or statement has been brought up.

I have been told this for so many years that I don't want to even do it just to piss them off. Not the marriage part, but you know, the Indian life-partner aspect of it.

Living in St Louis works in my favor, as does not having much family around the mid-west.

Years of such marriage brainwashing has left me always thinking though... I like to entertain the idea more than the average Joe.

I wanted to include this video of my cousin Nirav...

Street Racing

Ok, I'll admit to street racing. Usually its between friends, but every now and then you just wanna smoke that Chevy Cobalt with a giant wing.

Racing is a thrill. Win or lose, your heart is pounding, and your adrenaline is pumping. You know the risk- Get caught and your fucked.

All my friends have faster cars than me, so I usually race against them as a joke. When your facing off against a ricer... now that's a different story. When your facing off against a douche, the only thing on our mind is "I'm gonna smoke this ass wipe."

I don't like provoking races, usually it's the other way around. Everyone thinks I drive a EVO X, go figure. I do take that as a complement though.

I have gone up against Scion tC's, Civic Si's, and other Lancers. I lost against the Si, I stand no chance when VTEC kicks in. The Scions, I will eat for dinner. Scion drivers are usually big tools. I haven't met one who is cool, so I don't know. The Lancer races depend on who had a bad shift.

I plan on making my car fast as hell, so I'm sure I will be adding more victories to my belt.

The Dream

So there was this poster that was very popular from the early 90s... It was a House in California, next to the ocean, with a stable full of badass cars. In The photo there is a Dodge Viper, a Ferrari, a Porsche 911, and it goes on.

When I used to look at that poster when I was a kid, I used to say "That's going to be me. I'm going to be that guy with the house, and cars."

It's crazy that just yesterday I was at another Ravi's house, and he used to think the same thing when he was a kid looking at that poster. This Ravi is a doc, and the coolest forward thinking person I've met in a long time. His stable is just getting started, but it just makes you think... With a few more years of working my ass off; I'll have my own stable.

I'll probably have 2 Elite cars, but the rest will be... a tuners dream.

Little known fact

Most girls think if given the opportunity a guy will hump anything. So not true.

Since being single, I have passed up sex 2 times.

These girls did fall into the "fuckable" category, but there was more too it.

After finding out the skank level on both of these girls, I just couldn't do it. Just knowing you might regret the experience later down the road is more than sufficient for any guy to just be like no thanks.

If more factors were in play such as it having been 6 months... than more than likely I would've.

My buddy Matt, passed it up with a girl who was naked, and ready to go.

Don't perceive us to be whores, it may surprise you that we will turn down an offer.

"The Code"

The Code is a man law, that comes in effect inside of a public bathroom.

While standing at the urinal, you will unzip your junk, and piss staring only at the wall. Wandering eyes will more than likely result in a punch to the face.

Wash your hands afterward... its gross. Especially if you got a few drops on your hand.

BroMance

A bromance is, a inseparable bond that best (male) friends have.

Here is how you can tell if a bromance is in progress.

1. They missed each other
2. They say," I love you man."
3. They hug (not an ass-out hug either)
4. They have a mutual understanding
5. They're always together
6. They go out of the way to help each other out
7. They look gay together, but aren't
8. They plan adventures together
9. They compliment each other
10. They become excited to be in each others presence
11. They talk louder

When in doubt if a bromance is occurring think about this. Are they acting kind of gay, when they aren't? If so, a bromance is in progress.

Tequila

Everyone has a tequila story. I find it funny that most people get crazy after having this insane Mexican beverage. It'll only take a few shots, to really make an ass out of yourself. Most people know what the aftermath of tequila will hold... someone will either be naked, hugging a toilet, or passed out within minutes of taking shots. Everyone has a tequila story, and so do I...

I went to Mizzou for some fun a few months back. I wasn't planning on getting wasted. I brought with me some Bailey's which I mixed with coffee, and a forth of a bottle of Bacardi Grand Melon.

Well, I polished off the Bailey's and I was like," Damn! That tastes like ice cream!" Well I walk by these 3 guys slammin' Jose. And they suck me in...

"Hey slam this shit."-Guy
"Sorry, but I don't do tequila. It tastes like throw up." Me
"Dude your a pussy."-Guy
"Fine, I'll slam this shit." -Me

***3 Shots later.

Honestly, I don't even remember... All I can remember is that I tried kissing some girl, and got rejected. My buddy Ryan saved me by taking me back to the dorms. He set me on the ground in my buddy Chris's room. He gave me a very specific order.."GO TO BED!" Well I got on my cell phone... and got myself a booty call. I tried sneaking out a few minutes later and Ryan caught me. I tried again a little while longer, and I was home free to getting laid- Or so you would think. I stumbled into Steven McKenzies room, and I watched him play Fifa, while I talked to him about my booty call.

This is where my memory is gone.. this is filled in with the help of people who saw my drunk ass.

Someone found me in the hallway, sitting against the wall... I never made it to that girls room.

I woke up the next morning with this kid Uzo. My first thought was... WTF is going on. I also had the cell phone of that girl who I got rejected by- god knows how that happened.

What I learned was that I'm no tequila drinker. I still pretend like I am.

About Me

If there's one thing I love more than life itself, its my car, and women. I would pick my car over allot of things, but when it comes to women... I may have to think a bit harder.

You see, man and machine share an amazing bond. The man cares for the machine, he changes her oil, and waxes her exterior. The machine returns the favor by remaining faithful-running like it should. The only part that is missing in all of this is sex. Please let it be noted that if I could have sex with my car I would. I'd prefer not to have burns on my junk by shoving it in the exhaust.

Guys have a wired programing inside of them- spreading of the seed. I am obligated by this wired programing to include women in this post. Believe me, Elliot is hating this right now... I can tell. I fulfill by obligation to mother nature to spread my seed when the opportunity arises. When the "job" (refer to previous post) is done I return to my true love... Elliot.

Shock & Awe

I cannot explain to you how many time people see the shocker on my car and bust out laughing. Obviously its insanely awesome, and a good way to make other people notice you. Another thing comes to mind about this "hand gesture." I really do surprise people, or in other words I "Shock & Awe." Chris Reese can vouch for me (GO BLUES!).

Now don't all of you go stealing my ingenious way of leaving a mark. People know me. The car helps move that along, but regardless.... people know me.

Evolution

Read this Article.

I know some believe in evolution whereas others believe in you know... the bible, but this topic is hard to deny. Some of us are gonna be so evolved, that we are gonna start another species of humans. That probably won't be for a hundred years from now but it's a crazy thing to think about.

If there is one thing that I'm certain of, the Indians and Chinese are going to be one of the first to have this different genome. Indians and the Chinese make up a third of the world population. We are baby making machines, on a conquest for world domination. Don't be surprised if in the future you start seeing more co-operation between these two nations.

As Russell Peters once said in a stand up special "We're all going to be a hybrid of Chinese and Indian."

I always embrace this kind of news. We are ridiculously evolved, some more than others, but you get the point. As long as we don't die out (which probably will), maybe this theory will prove true (for better or worse).

Mercury Cougar

Im sure you've seen a Mercury Cougar. Its a girl car. In no way can this car ever be cool. So I have come to the conclusion that most girls who drive this car are not very attractive. I can safely say that almost 85% of the time My advice will have not steered you wrong.

Tonight I was at steak n' shake with my buddy Joe. In the parking lot we saw a Black Mercury Cougar. 5 girls were present, none of them over the attractive range of 5. Although I overheard their drunk asses saying I was cute, they never got any hotter. My ego on the other hand got larger. When we left we saw them escape into the cougar... I was right. :-)

I'm not going to lie... I may have thought about "smashing" one of them... but they were way too annoying. I can't listen to the Fran laugh. it drives me loco.

Im not saying all girls who drive this car are ugly... it's just that most of them tend to be.

Are you gay?

"Are you gay?" I cannot tell you how many times I've been asked this question. It gets really annoying. I think I'm to clean cut, and my fashion sense doesn't help either. My cousin Nirav saved me from being a tool and introduced me to Express. And I've been rocking it since freshman year of high school.

For work the other day my bank hired some company to teach us about customer service. As a good example they sent us to a mall, and gave us stores to shop. My stores were AE and Banana Republic. Well to cut this short, when we got back to corporate we had to discuss our experience. I was talking about how bad ass Banana Republic is, with its floor plan, and how they organize their store. Well When I brought up how they color co-ordinate their clothes apparently my bosses table started having a nice chit chat.

While I was in the parking garage my manager says to me,"Hey Ravi, The girls at my table thought it was cute how you were going on about clothes, and floor plans." I knew what she was hinting at. My supervisor rode with me and goes,"What the hell? that was uncalled for."

A famous British comedian (Russell Brand) talked about how people think he is gay. He said it was because of his great fashion taste. In response he said,"I only dress this way because women let their guard down around me because they think I'm sensitive and what not. Next thing they know, Boom Pregnant! Boom Pregnant! Boom Pregnant!" That's a picture of him below.



Maybe I should just be like "Yeah, Im very gay." Next thing girls know... BOOM PREGNANT!

Unintitled

A friend of mine brought up a good point to me the other day, and now I shall share it with you.

When you find out someone has a boyfriend/girlfriend how long should you have to stand there and listen to the babel?

Personally as they are talking highly about their partner i would interject and say,"Excuse me, I thought you were single," and I'd walk away. I don't see how that is rude. Personally I don't want to stand their like a jackass. It's not my thing.

Dating Ethics?

Can you date more than one person? The answer varies. There are advantages to dating more than one person. I made a chart. It goes in order from hotness level, her dress, the date, during date, to the end result.

A Chart

During my PSY class my professor who is extremely boring put on the projector a flow chart of some sort. The chart started with one topic such as a lion. From lion branched out things you associate with a lion, on so on. So I made one, and it turned out to be somewhat hilarious. Now my chart won't be the exact same since I threw the old one away put you'll get the picture.

Unintitled

Lately I've been seeing allot of couples. Even though I'm not in a relationship, I enjoy watching those who are. I'm not stalking them like a lion, but if I see a couple while im at the park or something I cant help to think "good for them."

People Watch

When your really bored waiting for your next class, or waiting for a friend at the mall follow some of my advice. Watch the people around you. It's very amusing. I've seen people trip, listened in on conversations between married women who are complaining that their husbands are watching too much porn, and seen people trying to pick their nose in a slyful manner. Now you have my wisdom.

Alcoholic Beverages

I love alcoholic beverages. I'm a big fan. Although I think its extremely stupid that the drinking age is 21 (I'll write a blog later), it does not really impact my drinking. If you want to drink you will. So this blog is to those nights partying. Salue!

Beer: There is nothing like an ice cold beer. It's refreshing, and delicious. Beer is definitely an acquired taste. I remember when I first tried it I was like "How the fuck do people drink this garbage." Now its usually my beverage of choice. Most people around me think that bud light is the best beer ever brewed. Although I disagree, it's definitely the best beer for pong. It's light, and it runs through you like water. As I've gotten older so has my love for beer. I love trying new beers. It's always an adventure trying to figure out if you like a new beer or not. You have to keep your mind open. Let me list some beers that you should try because you'll love em.

Blue Moon, Stella Artois, Shock Top, Leffe, Honey Lager, Guinness , Young's Chocolate Stout, Framboise, Wild Blue, Baltica #5 and #7, Ray Hill, New Castle, Boulevard Wheat, K Cider (Any Ciders really), Franziskaner (ALL), Erdinger, Paulaner (ALL), Budwieser American Ale

Liqour: When you just want to get shit faced this is the route I take. Liqour is easily mixable, and for the alcohol content, just a better deal. Here's the list.

Baileys, Skyy, Grey Goose, Absolut, Svedka, Burnetts (tastes like sky w/o the price), Stolichnaya, Level, UV, Southern Comfort, American Honey (Wild Turkey w/honey), Alize, X-Rated, Tuaca, Jagermeister, Disaronno, Captain Morgan, Sailor Jerry's, Bacardi (ALL), Malibu, Bombay Sapphire, Tanqueray (ALL), and Peach Snaaps.

Wine: I have just recently gotten into drinking wine. Wine is delicious, and some are actually healthy for you to drink (in moderation). I can't really name any off the top of my head right now, but you should definitely step it up and drink some.

Girls Gone left

During the Blues game on Saturday my buddy Jarod Informed me that Girls Gone Wild was at Pops. At first I was like awesome. Then I remembered those annoying commercials with high school like college girls that are very annoying. I then decided against it. We left the game, were stuck in traffic for 45 minutes in downtown, during which I received two calls from my buddy Ryan. He also wanted to go to Pop's. I didn't want to be a downer, so I was finally like FINE lets go.

We regroup in Saint Pete, and head on over to Ruby Tuesdays to pick up another guest. On the drive to Sauget, Illinois I was tired as fuck and realized what a dumb decision this was. We get to Pop's just after the Girls Gone Wild crew has left. And after they left Pop's hiked the age to get in to 21. So we couldn't get in. Just then John and Jarod suggest going to a strip club.

I've been to a strip club once before this experience and I wasn't very entertained. Personally I dont find much fun in strippers. I could go to Mizzou and get a stripper like night out there.

Well we go, and since I was tapped out of cash to get in Ryan and John spotted the cover charge. Once we got in John and Jarod handed me $30 in ones and the "fun" night began. A stripper with nasty teeth told me "You're so Hot!" to which I replied "thanks?" I'm going to skip allot because there was one part which I find extremely disturbing.

The four of us are sitting on this lounge area when a stripper is all up on Ryan. When I glanced over at him he looked like he was going to puke. I leaned over to John and was like "That lady is old enough to be my mom." Ryan hands her the last $10 and she come over to me and then starts playing with herself. In my head I was like this is discusting. I was just waiting for her to leave me alone. I hand her $2 thinking she will leave me alone. Instead she sits on my lap and says,"For $40.00 I'll take you upstairs, and give you a lap dance with your dick out. And if your dick likes the action for a little extra I'll let you stick it where ever you want." I quickly say "No Thanks." Knowing I was a lost cause she wanders over to Jarod and starts over. I got up and sat far away. Ryan then comes over and tells me what he said to that middle aged hag, "That's my friend Ravi over there, go show him a good time." I was like... WTF. I was betrayed.

About 40 minutes after that incident and me whining to leave we finally left. Once I got home I showered for 45 minutes. I still can't get the image of that lady out of my head... I need some memories erased.... A trip to Mizzou is in order.

Bitch

Sometimes you will see a smokin' hot woman and be like "Damn" she is bangin'. But the hotness can be taken a way when you realize that she is a big bitch. This happens allot. Guys hate dealing with a bitch. It's too much work, and they they aren't ever rewarded. I can see no reason where it is okay for a male to tame a bitch. A bitch will never be tamed. This works the same with some guys.

Dude...WTF

Guys lately have been getting unmanly. What I'm talking about is all this touchy feely crap. Guys proposing to girls after 2 months, and over using "I Love You" as well as being too open with the opposite sex. It's annoying, be a man.

Now dressing awesome, good personal hygiene, and soft skin doesn't make you less of a man. If anything it helps seduce women. Most women would prefer guys to be a little better about their looks. If dressing to kill, and looking like a hundred bucks makes me gay then so be it. Like I give a shit about what you think.

Being to close to your emotions makes you less of a man, it takes you closer to the other side.

Staying Awake

I've noticed since middle school that sleepiness can come out of no where during class. One minute your writing notes; and the next your eyes are getting heavy with drool all over your notebook. Once your in this state it's hard to snap out of it. You try opening your eyes, drink some water, punch yourself in the balls, but nothing works. You usually just end up falling asleep again.

How do you prevent this? Well caffeine works wonders, but my favorite remedy involves a more entertaining approach. Take everything that the professor is saying and turn it into some dirty innuendo. I have found this to be especially effective during some sort of science class. Its just so easy and fun.

Here are some examples:

Prof: Open you books and turn to page 1120. Today we will be talking about how Hitler took France easily.

My version: Open you legs and turn to page 1120. Today we will be talking about how Hitler learned about menage tois.

Prof: Today we will be talking about how your brain works.

My version: Today you will be getting some brain.

Prof: I'm getting tired of people jerking around during my lectures. Its very rude.

My version: Im getting tired of people jerking off. There is cum everywhere.

Next time time your getting the urge to put your head down during class, take my advice. Its good clean fun.

My "Inner Asshole"

If there is something about myself which I do like it's my inner asshole. Personally I think that it's a desirable trait. It's part of my charm. Being a jerk is needed in a world today when there are too many dumb people. Sometimes you just need to say "Shut the fuck up!" The ones who are afraid to say something will usually chuckle, because you had the juevos to do something they didn't.

I love it when people unleash their inner asshole because it lets you in on how they really feel. Most people are just "too nice" to say something when a person is being retarded.

One person that I'm pushing toward speaking their mind, is Kelsey. I want her to stand up for her self, and frankly when she is being a bitch I find it hilarious. She is known to be such a sweet girl. When she is being mean I can't help but laugh. I've been promoting this new behavioral change in her.

Most people should just speak their mind. Saves much frustration later down the road.

Religion!?

This is going to be a rather serious spiritual post... I figured I'd just warn you.

Lately I've been doing allot of thinking, as far as religion goes. What I think about is the "sins" I have committed. By Hinduism the things I have done are pretty much a one-way ticket to hell. If someone told me there was a way to fix what I've done, would I do it? My answer is "no." I know what I did, I knew the consequences of it, I'm willing to pay the price for it. I honestly think what I'm doing is just, and moral. I don't want to take the easy way out, plus I don't think I'm a good person underneath it all. Many reading this would probably disagree, but personally that's just how I feel.

Honestly I'm not a religious person, but according to the only religion I am familiar with; I'm going to hell. Personally I'm more on the path where I just want to be a just person. I don't care about sin's and all that stuff. Rules get broken all the time. I'd rather go by what I think to be morally correct. Everything else will fall in place when the time comes.

Glass Half Full

What bothers me the most is when people don't completely do their jobs. This can vary from doing a half ass job cleaning, to only moisturizing only half of your ashy skin. Now I can take this to a whole new level too. Everyone that reads the next part will totally agree.

How pissed off would you be, while your having sex, and it's amazing; the other partner just stops and says,"that's all I can give tonight." I'd be pissed. I'd be like,"fucking finish the job dammit!" This is a reason why I feel that getting to third base and stopping is a job left uncompleted.

So today when a friend of mine only donated a pint of blood instead of all of it I was a bit puzzled that she didn't finish the job. People left comments on facebook like "you just saved 3 lives." My thought is well, if you donated all your blood you could save like 8+ lives plus your own. I mean c'mon how many people can say they have saved their own life.

Don't be selfish, finish the job dammit. At all costs.

Sexyness

Personally I think the names Victoria, and Elizabeth are hot. Most of the time this has proven true. Now the only way this sexy level can get any higher is if the girls have British accents. Now they are ungodly hot. I mean so hot that that I this is what it would be like (Visual Aid) on what I'd be like.

So if you know any girls that fit the description above, call me asap.

Stop

I've heard plenty of times girls bitching about how all guys are assholes. They treat them like shit and so on. Here is my advice to you.

A guy who treats his car like gold, will treat you the same. So go find him.

Here's a big hint, I'm one of those guys.

Go St. Louis

For you to understand this blog you will need to read this news article. CLICK THIS FOR ARCTICLE

If there is one thing that's going down in St. Louis, it's allot of humping. By the looks of it allot of unprotected sex. In a situation like this, should I be proud or ashamed for my city? My opinion is a mixture of the two.

First off, *High Five* everyone we're number one! There is nothing more I like to celebrate then coming in first place. I'm glad people are having sex. To celebrate lets all do the nasty right now.

What I don't approve of is the lack of wisdom in unprotected sex, especially if it's a one night stand. I have a feeling that alcohol has something to do with this report. My advice to the ladies about to get on the pogo is this... WRAP IT UP! For god's sake he might have gonorrhea, or chlamydia.

I'm still very proud, now to go call my doctor.

Nude

Guys like doing something that women don't, walking around naked when no one is home.

I'll admit that I've done it plenty of times. Sometimes wearing clothes is just over rated. Sometimes I want to experience what it was like being a cave man, and letting my junk just breathe. Walking around naked is awesome. You feel free, confident, and manly. Nothing says manly like a letting your junk just hangout like a spider.

Eventually you have to wear the clothes western civilization makes you. You feel robbed of your freedom. I know I do. I just look forward to the next moment I can be free, and so do my boys.

The Future...

I'm getting really pissed off at the state of our country right now. I can't really blame the leadership of today because they weren't in power when the problems started. I see many mistakes that are costing us tax payers trillions of dollars, and frankly I don't want my children paying back the financial mistakes of my parents generation.

Mistake One: Deregulation of SEC-

Our government has been slacking. They haven't been doing their jobs and its pissing me off. What the hell happened to federal regulation with large corporations? Unfortunately money speaks louder than words to some people. The result is what? The average main street person is going to be paying for these mistakes, because companies wanted to make a quick buck. I say let the fuckers go under. I want you to google the name "Madoff" and read how much that fucker got away with. This guy is a wall street exec, who schemed into taking over $1 Billion. The SEC investigated him 8 times in 16 years and still didn't figure the shit out. The SEC recovered $950 Million so far but the point is they are not doing their jobs right the first time around.

Mistake Two: Financial bailout of banks-

I think the bailouts for the banks was a huge mistake. Instead of loaning them $700 Billion, which is being spent unwisely I think the government should take over the top 25 banks in the country, and figure out whats wrong. If Federal Prosecutors find anything that is criminal, I say charge them with as much stuff as we possibly can. The federal government needs to set up a salary cap on large corporations, including bonuses. What really pisses me off is that Bank of America received bailout money, and the morons sponsored the Superbowl. I think they should pay back the bailout money on the grounds of being retarded. According to CNN the bank bailout could reach up to $4 Trillion because the Obama administration will now have to help. Talk about allot of blow jobs.

Mistake Three: Economic Stimulus Under Barack H. Obama-

HUGE MISTAKE! Bush already tried it and it was a big waste of money. I don't think we need to spend $825 Billion on another mistake. Have you seen the pork barrel stuff added onto this bill? I say this bill easily goes over a Trillion Dollars.

Mistake Four: Welfare-

For years people have been raising their hands to the government for help when they need extra cash. I say to those people "Aren't you ashamed of yourself? Do you have no pride?" I say we need to stop all non social security welfare now. What about medicare and medicaid you say? I say close those programs after our parents generation is gone, they will be the last to have such a program. I'm tired of people taking advantage of the government, and the government being to stupid to realize it when it's happening to them. People need a kick in the ass.

Taxes-

Okay taxes are not fair by any means. But unfortunately we all have to pay if you want running water, electricity, roads, police, etc. I'd rather pay taxes because allot of good does come from them. The IRS needs to go after those who don't pay their taxes, especially government officials. Some of Obama's cabinet choices owed over $100,000 in back taxes. WTF! People who are running the government owe the government money. Those same people want to raise our taxes but not their own. If those people are approved by the senate, I think that those people should pay up, otherwise I smell corruption in Obama's "Transparent Government". I'm not going to lie I voted for the guy, his cabinet choices are awesome, it's just those people who he is backing aren't exactly fully legit.

Down Time

In the course of a day you will have a few minutes completely to yourself. During this time, you reflect on yourself. If you don't, you really should. It is during this time that you can really get to know who you are and what you've done. For me, this moment is when I scare myself.

I scare myself because a unusual feeling takes over me. The only way I can explain is like this; I get chills, and then a huge surge of confidence. I close my eyes and its like my future is being told to me. The next thing I know my heart is pounding, and many thoughts go through my racing through my head. During these short few minutes I can see what is in store for me. Personally I think these are my dreams that I want to come true. This feeling though, it makes me feel like its so right, like everything is predetermined.

This "down time" really helps me remember why I'm even going to school, and why I do the things I even do sometimes. Those few minutes a week can motivate me to knock out allot of homework, wake up in the morning and work toward the future.

Just work as hard as you can. The future looks very dark ahead to me...

Shaving-The Hassle, The Art

Guys hate shaving, especially if our facial hair grows quickly. We try to escape shaving for as long as possible. Unfortunately if you work in a professional environment like I do, shaving is a must. I try pushing it for as long as I can (2 days), but sooner or later a manager will say something.

Don't get me wrong, shaving takes all but 5-10 minutes. But its the fact that you have to put shaving cream on, and take your time otherwise you'll cut yourself. Plus I have this routine in the morning, and shaving causes me to be late.

If you shave too fast, you're more than likely going to miss a spot; and when you rinse the excess shaving cream off, you will see it and be like "fuck."

Also every guy has his own strategy, and routine when shaving. You can't rush a guy who is shaving. No matter how late I am, shaving is one of those things that needs allot of detail. I find it hilarious how they always show guys who are shaving on TV to be all happy. Think about it, the shaving cream and razor blade commercials. No guy is that siked to be shaving. Also they make it seems like it took 10 seconds for him to shave. In reality, we all know the truth.

Next time you see a guy with a little scruff, now you know. He is pushing back the inevitable as far as possible.

The G Ride

When you have a G ride there is nothing else you love more. The car is part of your soul. Without it you feel a bit sad, and lonely.

A car says allot about a person. Depending on the make, model, trim, and color you can judge allot about a person. When I see someone driving a Cadillac CTS V Series I can presume that the driver is youthful, sophisticated, and educated. They like being thrilled, and love driving. If the color is flashy for example red, I can also guess that the person likes to show off.

All machines are females. My sister renamed my Honda Civic from Sally to Fernando. How the fuck did my former car get a sex change?

The first step in humanizing your car is to name it. I have named my car Elliot. I got this name from Scrubs (awesome comedy medical show), on the show is a girl named Elliot who is kind of a slut. I named my car Elliot because she'll let anyone come inside of her (it's true, I've done it before). The second step is to always treat your car like a person. I talk to my car at times, you make think that is weird, and if you do well fuck you. I baby my car, I wash her as often as I can, and I apologize when I drive her a bit rough. I kiss Elliot's steering wheel, or the nose of the hood every now and then; I know she appreciates it. The third step is to always stand up for your car. My ex hated that I loved my car more than her. I remember one time she said that I should say,"I don't love my car more than I love you" when I was in the car with her. I never would respond and it would piss her off. I'd then say to her that "your hurting her feelings."

I've already selected names for cars that I'm going to buy in the future.

Porsche 911 Turbo- Sherri
Mazda 3 Speed- Donna
Subaru WRX- Victoria
Nissan 370Z- Elizabeth
Chevy Camaro- Samantha

Guys, and some women love their cars. Its a beautiful sight. I've caught myself looking at Elliot in the parking lot with lust. Elliot is just so damn beautiful. I am not ashamed to say that I love my car more than life itself.

This Girl I Like: The Dilemma

There is this one female that im currently interested in. She is awesome. She has the same sense of humor, taste, and personality as me.

The problem is this: She goes to school relatively far away, and she is a friend of mine. I don't want to ruin our friendship if it goes south. When ever she comes home she is always busy, as am I. I'd hardly ever get to see her. Talking on the phone is annoying. Plus long distance is something high school kids say they can work out. This is said so they can get laid, the summer before they go off to school.

The more I think about this its a bad idea. I want to move to Washington D.C. for school in the next few years. There is always the occasional thought about if someone makes a move on her. Plus break-ups suck balls (I'm a veteran).

So my thought is this, If something does happen, it will.

Traffic Thinker

As I was stuck in traffic this morning I had a epiphany. I have allot of these, so it isn't exactly something new for people that read my blogs.

I'm going to define a girl and woman next, you will understand why later. A girl is still stuck in high school mode, has no concept of responsibility, she isn't very intelligent, she doesn't know whats going around her and has no idea what she wants. A woman is intelligent, driven, knows what she wants, is aware of her surroundings and knows what responsibility means.

When scoping a female you can usually tell what kind of person they are in the first 10 minutes.

Usually when I'm about to go hit on a female I usually stand back and watch them for a bit. I like a woman who has confidence, one who isn't afraid to disagree, someone who can be your best friend and lover (awesome right). If she plays with her hair allot, is loud, in a group (might be afraid to sit by themselves), coloring a picture of her name, or just plain laugna beach looking; I outright bail on making a move. I like looking for a girl who is sitting alone (makes me think she is confident), she is reading a book, she is looking around her surroundings, preferably has her hair up, and one that is dressed business appropriate. I like business appropriate because I know she is confident, she can dress well (hollister is retarded), she probably isn't laugna beach material, and I think a girl that is covered up is more appealing than, than the girl that is in a mini skirt (more mysterious).

After you nail the approach and start talking to her is when you you can find out about them. If I hear the words um, yeah, like, and what allot I will bail. Eye contact is key when having a conversation with each other, shows me that she can hold her ground, and isn't a coward. I personally like asking open ended questions, so she can articulate herself. I love intelligent women who I can have a conversation with. The key is to make her do most of the talking, so she feels like you are listening (which I am if I'm at this point). Ask her about what she is interested in, hobbies, etc. After you know you have left an impression on her ask her if she would like to meet up sometime. If she accepts, get her number and the rest is a breeze, if you don't get it, just thank her for her time and bounce.

Snow

Background: The St Louis area experienced a really shitty snow storm the past few days. The roads every where are garbage, this even means major highways. On top of this i didn't sleep at all the night before so I'm quite tired.

I left my job yesterday around 6PM last night. A drive that is supposed to take 20-30 minutes took me over an hour to get home. When I finally did get home, I let my ferrets out to play, filled their bowl, and turned on a movie while I laid on the couch.

I was watching the Thomas Crown Affair (If you haven't seen it, I recommend you do). I was really comfortable, and starting to get a little dozy. Just then my phone rang. It was my buddy Seth.

"Yo man? What's going on?"
"Not much, just sitting on the couch."
"I'm over at Alex's, Just seeing what your doing."
In the background I could hear Alex, Mikey, and Chris (their brothers fyi). for some reason I asked,"Hey man can you ask Alex if I can come over?" I don't know why I said this, because I really would've rather slept. Alex gave his blessings to come over, but not for too long.
"Hey man I don't think we can stay for too long, because Alex and his family are gonna eat dinner and stuff. Are you hungry or anything because I'm starving?"
"No man I'm not hungry, I just ate."
"Shit, well do you wanna come get me and go somewhere and hangout?"
"Yeah sure man."
To cut it short I got in my car to head on over.

Just backing out of my driveway, I knew this was a bad idea. It's snowing allot still and I knew the roads were shitty, but I still went on over. Well I get less than a forth of the mile away from Alex's and my car cannot get up this hill. I was pissed. I tried various tricks to get up this hill and I just couldn't hack it. So i call up Seth and tell him That I'm gonna park in the parking lot of a convenience store, so he can meet me there. As I pull into this parking lot i remember thinking "Watch me get stuck in this shit." As I'm waiting for Seth I try maneuvering around. As I predicted earlier, I was stuck. So Seth pushes me onto the main strip of road, he gets in and we head toward HWY 94.

Well to get onto 94 you have to get up this hill. Since my car has shitty tires, I couldn't get up the hill. So I reverse, trying to get back into that convenience store parking lot. The plan was to ditch the car and walk over to Alex's until the shit blows over, and the roads are clean. Well in a attempt to get into the parking lot, I get stuck at the entrance. Seth and I are fucked again, and this time properly fucked, because I had no traction at all. A Hwy. Dept Snow plow was going by and he saw us, so he came over to help. He dumped a shit ton of salt in front of my car to melt the snow, and so the salt can increase my traction. Well after 10 minutes we're free. We thank him and we try again to get into the lot, and we Succeed.

The owner of the convenience store came out while Seth was on the phone with his mom. I got out and asked if I could leave my car here for the night. He asked that I move it in a spot next to his car. So I get back in put it in reverse, and I'm fuckin stuck again. Seth gets out and tries pushing me, well in the process of this somehow I maneuver into a hidden ditch that is a feature of this parking lot. My front right tire is in, and I cant get it out.

My car currently is in a ditch, and I'm pissed, at the layout of this parking lot. If i just stayed at home none of this shit would happen. Well after a few attempts we gave up and walked over to Alex's house. Alex let us in, and we informed the household of out dilemma. Alex's dad was very confident that he could get me out. Seth and I were doubtful. So we snow suited up. Alex, his dad, Seth, and I all walk on over to this convinced store. While Alex's dad is figuring out a game plan Alex, Seth and I see 2 guys who dressed vaguely like ninjas approaching us. Well those two guys were Mickey, and Chris (Alex's brothers). Alex's dad commandeers my car keys and instructs is to push the car, while he steps on the gas. Well after 4 attempts everyone except Alex's dad, is hopeless.

We then has a 15 minute discussion which during Alex hugs his father and says "C'mon dad give me a hug. Real men hug with their penis facing each other all the time. There is nothing more manly then two thrusting penis's exchanging a hug. Why don't you love me." We all watched and laughed as they hugged. Chris drew a giant penis in the parking lot that was spewing cum. Alex's dad had a epiphany, while we were being jackasses. I was to drive the car while they pushed. Well this plan worked and my car is finally out of the ditch. So we push it into the spot we were told to park. After completing this mission, Alex's dad took off for the house, Chris and Mikey ran for the woods (I later find out that they were doing some sweet kung fu on each other) and The rest of us walk into the convenience store to get food. On the walk back to the house, a car approached us. Seth and I move over, but Alex stayed. As the car got closer Alex did a 3 ninja rolls toward us. The driver of that car looked at Alex like an Idiot while Seth and I laughed quite hard. The ninja roll incident was the highlight of my shitty ass night.

Girls Still in the Past

When I walked into psychology class today I noticed three empty chairs in the front row. "Perfect" I thought. You see, I was saving a seat for my buddy Seth. Things never go according to as you planned, and this situation was no different. Two laugna beach girls walk in and snatched the 2 seats that were next to me. I was pissed then this happened. These girls were "academically ready" according to Seth. They brought with them an assortment of snacks. (Cheetos, Muffins, (2) 32oz drinks from On the Run, and various other goodies). They were also equipped with Blackberry's, and over-sized purses.

During the text conversation Seth and I had while role was being taken, Seth and I agreed that they were "a lil too high, on the high school." He was dead on. During the hour and 30 minute class they texted, talked amongst themselves, ate (while crinkling the cheetos bag), slurped thier beverages, and I listened to the symphany of vibrating ring tones. They also kept playing with thier hair, and colored in pictures of thier names. Nothing is more of a dead give away than coloring, while a lecture is going on. Coloring led me to the conclusion that they are probably at the stage in life where drinking on a school night is "totally awesome." I probably only retained a total of 20 minutes of the lecture because I was distracted by these two bimbos.

I'm not exactly sure what the point of this blog entry is, other than pure frustration at these two girls. During this class period I remembered something. My Ex was just like these two during classes. Keeping this in mind I know what not to look for when looking for girlfriend material. Obviously not what I mentioned above.