Friday, January 30, 2009

The G Ride

When you have a G ride there is nothing else you love more. The car is part of your soul. Without it you feel a bit sad, and lonely.

A car says allot about a person. Depending on the make, model, trim, and color you can judge allot about a person. When I see someone driving a Cadillac CTS V Series I can presume that the driver is youthful, sophisticated, and educated. They like being thrilled, and love driving. If the color is flashy for example red, I can also guess that the person likes to show off.

All machines are females. My sister renamed my Honda Civic from Sally to Fernando. How the fuck did my former car get a sex change?

The first step in humanizing your car is to name it. I have named my car Elliot. I got this name from Scrubs (awesome comedy medical show), on the show is a girl named Elliot who is kind of a slut. I named my car Elliot because she'll let anyone come inside of her (it's true, I've done it before). The second step is to always treat your car like a person. I talk to my car at times, you make think that is weird, and if you do well fuck you. I baby my car, I wash her as often as I can, and I apologize when I drive her a bit rough. I kiss Elliot's steering wheel, or the nose of the hood every now and then; I know she appreciates it. The third step is to always stand up for your car. My ex hated that I loved my car more than her. I remember one time she said that I should say,"I don't love my car more than I love you" when I was in the car with her. I never would respond and it would piss her off. I'd then say to her that "your hurting her feelings."

I've already selected names for cars that I'm going to buy in the future.

Porsche 911 Turbo- Sherri
Mazda 3 Speed- Donna
Subaru WRX- Victoria
Nissan 370Z- Elizabeth
Chevy Camaro- Samantha

Guys, and some women love their cars. Its a beautiful sight. I've caught myself looking at Elliot in the parking lot with lust. Elliot is just so damn beautiful. I am not ashamed to say that I love my car more than life itself.

Photobucket

No comments: