Guys hate shaving, especially if our facial hair grows quickly. We try to escape shaving for as long as possible. Unfortunately if you work in a professional environment like I do, shaving is a must. I try pushing it for as long as I can (2 days), but sooner or later a manager will say something.
Don't get me wrong, shaving takes all but 5-10 minutes. But its the fact that you have to put shaving cream on, and take your time otherwise you'll cut yourself. Plus I have this routine in the morning, and shaving causes me to be late.
If you shave too fast, you're more than likely going to miss a spot; and when you rinse the excess shaving cream off, you will see it and be like "fuck."
Also every guy has his own strategy, and routine when shaving. You can't rush a guy who is shaving. No matter how late I am, shaving is one of those things that needs allot of detail. I find it hilarious how they always show guys who are shaving on TV to be all happy. Think about it, the shaving cream and razor blade commercials. No guy is that siked to be shaving. Also they make it seems like it took 10 seconds for him to shave. In reality, we all know the truth.
Next time you see a guy with a little scruff, now you know. He is pushing back the inevitable as far as possible.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The G Ride
When you have a G ride there is nothing else you love more. The car is part of your soul. Without it you feel a bit sad, and lonely.
A car says allot about a person. Depending on the make, model, trim, and color you can judge allot about a person. When I see someone driving a Cadillac CTS V Series I can presume that the driver is youthful, sophisticated, and educated. They like being thrilled, and love driving. If the color is flashy for example red, I can also guess that the person likes to show off.
All machines are females. My sister renamed my Honda Civic from Sally to Fernando. How the fuck did my former car get a sex change?
The first step in humanizing your car is to name it. I have named my car Elliot. I got this name from Scrubs (awesome comedy medical show), on the show is a girl named Elliot who is kind of a slut. I named my car Elliot because she'll let anyone come inside of her (it's true, I've done it before). The second step is to always treat your car like a person. I talk to my car at times, you make think that is weird, and if you do well fuck you. I baby my car, I wash her as often as I can, and I apologize when I drive her a bit rough. I kiss Elliot's steering wheel, or the nose of the hood every now and then; I know she appreciates it. The third step is to always stand up for your car. My ex hated that I loved my car more than her. I remember one time she said that I should say,"I don't love my car more than I love you" when I was in the car with her. I never would respond and it would piss her off. I'd then say to her that "your hurting her feelings."
I've already selected names for cars that I'm going to buy in the future.
Porsche 911 Turbo- Sherri
Mazda 3 Speed- Donna
Subaru WRX- Victoria
Nissan 370Z- Elizabeth
Chevy Camaro- Samantha
Guys, and some women love their cars. Its a beautiful sight. I've caught myself looking at Elliot in the parking lot with lust. Elliot is just so damn beautiful. I am not ashamed to say that I love my car more than life itself.
A car says allot about a person. Depending on the make, model, trim, and color you can judge allot about a person. When I see someone driving a Cadillac CTS V Series I can presume that the driver is youthful, sophisticated, and educated. They like being thrilled, and love driving. If the color is flashy for example red, I can also guess that the person likes to show off.
All machines are females. My sister renamed my Honda Civic from Sally to Fernando. How the fuck did my former car get a sex change?
The first step in humanizing your car is to name it. I have named my car Elliot. I got this name from Scrubs (awesome comedy medical show), on the show is a girl named Elliot who is kind of a slut. I named my car Elliot because she'll let anyone come inside of her (it's true, I've done it before). The second step is to always treat your car like a person. I talk to my car at times, you make think that is weird, and if you do well fuck you. I baby my car, I wash her as often as I can, and I apologize when I drive her a bit rough. I kiss Elliot's steering wheel, or the nose of the hood every now and then; I know she appreciates it. The third step is to always stand up for your car. My ex hated that I loved my car more than her. I remember one time she said that I should say,"I don't love my car more than I love you" when I was in the car with her. I never would respond and it would piss her off. I'd then say to her that "your hurting her feelings."
I've already selected names for cars that I'm going to buy in the future.
Porsche 911 Turbo- Sherri
Mazda 3 Speed- Donna
Subaru WRX- Victoria
Nissan 370Z- Elizabeth
Chevy Camaro- Samantha
Guys, and some women love their cars. Its a beautiful sight. I've caught myself looking at Elliot in the parking lot with lust. Elliot is just so damn beautiful. I am not ashamed to say that I love my car more than life itself.
This Girl I Like: The Dilemma
There is this one female that im currently interested in. She is awesome. She has the same sense of humor, taste, and personality as me.
The problem is this: She goes to school relatively far away, and she is a friend of mine. I don't want to ruin our friendship if it goes south. When ever she comes home she is always busy, as am I. I'd hardly ever get to see her. Talking on the phone is annoying. Plus long distance is something high school kids say they can work out. This is said so they can get laid, the summer before they go off to school.
The more I think about this its a bad idea. I want to move to Washington D.C. for school in the next few years. There is always the occasional thought about if someone makes a move on her. Plus break-ups suck balls (I'm a veteran).
So my thought is this, If something does happen, it will.
The problem is this: She goes to school relatively far away, and she is a friend of mine. I don't want to ruin our friendship if it goes south. When ever she comes home she is always busy, as am I. I'd hardly ever get to see her. Talking on the phone is annoying. Plus long distance is something high school kids say they can work out. This is said so they can get laid, the summer before they go off to school.
The more I think about this its a bad idea. I want to move to Washington D.C. for school in the next few years. There is always the occasional thought about if someone makes a move on her. Plus break-ups suck balls (I'm a veteran).
So my thought is this, If something does happen, it will.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Traffic Thinker
As I was stuck in traffic this morning I had a epiphany. I have allot of these, so it isn't exactly something new for people that read my blogs.
I'm going to define a girl and woman next, you will understand why later. A girl is still stuck in high school mode, has no concept of responsibility, she isn't very intelligent, she doesn't know whats going around her and has no idea what she wants. A woman is intelligent, driven, knows what she wants, is aware of her surroundings and knows what responsibility means.
When scoping a female you can usually tell what kind of person they are in the first 10 minutes.
Usually when I'm about to go hit on a female I usually stand back and watch them for a bit. I like a woman who has confidence, one who isn't afraid to disagree, someone who can be your best friend and lover (awesome right). If she plays with her hair allot, is loud, in a group (might be afraid to sit by themselves), coloring a picture of her name, or just plain laugna beach looking; I outright bail on making a move. I like looking for a girl who is sitting alone (makes me think she is confident), she is reading a book, she is looking around her surroundings, preferably has her hair up, and one that is dressed business appropriate. I like business appropriate because I know she is confident, she can dress well (hollister is retarded), she probably isn't laugna beach material, and I think a girl that is covered up is more appealing than, than the girl that is in a mini skirt (more mysterious).
After you nail the approach and start talking to her is when you you can find out about them. If I hear the words um, yeah, like, and what allot I will bail. Eye contact is key when having a conversation with each other, shows me that she can hold her ground, and isn't a coward. I personally like asking open ended questions, so she can articulate herself. I love intelligent women who I can have a conversation with. The key is to make her do most of the talking, so she feels like you are listening (which I am if I'm at this point). Ask her about what she is interested in, hobbies, etc. After you know you have left an impression on her ask her if she would like to meet up sometime. If she accepts, get her number and the rest is a breeze, if you don't get it, just thank her for her time and bounce.Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Snow
Background: The St Louis area experienced a really shitty snow storm the past few days. The roads every where are garbage, this even means major highways. On top of this i didn't sleep at all the night before so I'm quite tired.
I left my job yesterday around 6PM last night. A drive that is supposed to take 20-30 minutes took me over an hour to get home. When I finally did get home, I let my ferrets out to play, filled their bowl, and turned on a movie while I laid on the couch.
I was watching the Thomas Crown Affair (If you haven't seen it, I recommend you do). I was really comfortable, and starting to get a little dozy. Just then my phone rang. It was my buddy Seth.
"Yo man? What's going on?"
"Not much, just sitting on the couch."
"I'm over at Alex's, Just seeing what your doing."
In the background I could hear Alex, Mikey, and Chris (their brothers fyi). for some reason I asked,"Hey man can you ask Alex if I can come over?" I don't know why I said this, because I really would've rather slept. Alex gave his blessings to come over, but not for too long.
"Hey man I don't think we can stay for too long, because Alex and his family are gonna eat dinner and stuff. Are you hungry or anything because I'm starving?"
"No man I'm not hungry, I just ate."
"Shit, well do you wanna come get me and go somewhere and hangout?"
"Yeah sure man."
To cut it short I got in my car to head on over.
Just backing out of my driveway, I knew this was a bad idea. It's snowing allot still and I knew the roads were shitty, but I still went on over. Well I get less than a forth of the mile away from Alex's and my car cannot get up this hill. I was pissed. I tried various tricks to get up this hill and I just couldn't hack it. So i call up Seth and tell him That I'm gonna park in the parking lot of a convenience store, so he can meet me there. As I pull into this parking lot i remember thinking "Watch me get stuck in this shit." As I'm waiting for Seth I try maneuvering around. As I predicted earlier, I was stuck. So Seth pushes me onto the main strip of road, he gets in and we head toward HWY 94.
Well to get onto 94 you have to get up this hill. Since my car has shitty tires, I couldn't get up the hill. So I reverse, trying to get back into that convenience store parking lot. The plan was to ditch the car and walk over to Alex's until the shit blows over, and the roads are clean. Well in a attempt to get into the parking lot, I get stuck at the entrance. Seth and I are fucked again, and this time properly fucked, because I had no traction at all. A Hwy. Dept Snow plow was going by and he saw us, so he came over to help. He dumped a shit ton of salt in front of my car to melt the snow, and so the salt can increase my traction. Well after 10 minutes we're free. We thank him and we try again to get into the lot, and we Succeed.
The owner of the convenience store came out while Seth was on the phone with his mom. I got out and asked if I could leave my car here for the night. He asked that I move it in a spot next to his car. So I get back in put it in reverse, and I'm fuckin stuck again. Seth gets out and tries pushing me, well in the process of this somehow I maneuver into a hidden ditch that is a feature of this parking lot. My front right tire is in, and I cant get it out.
My car currently is in a ditch, and I'm pissed, at the layout of this parking lot. If i just stayed at home none of this shit would happen. Well after a few attempts we gave up and walked over to Alex's house. Alex let us in, and we informed the household of out dilemma. Alex's dad was very confident that he could get me out. Seth and I were doubtful. So we snow suited up. Alex, his dad, Seth, and I all walk on over to this convinced store. While Alex's dad is figuring out a game plan Alex, Seth and I see 2 guys who dressed vaguely like ninjas approaching us. Well those two guys were Mickey, and Chris (Alex's brothers). Alex's dad commandeers my car keys and instructs is to push the car, while he steps on the gas. Well after 4 attempts everyone except Alex's dad, is hopeless.
We then has a 15 minute discussion which during Alex hugs his father and says "C'mon dad give me a hug. Real men hug with their penis facing each other all the time. There is nothing more manly then two thrusting penis's exchanging a hug. Why don't you love me." We all watched and laughed as they hugged. Chris drew a giant penis in the parking lot that was spewing cum. Alex's dad had a epiphany, while we were being jackasses. I was to drive the car while they pushed. Well this plan worked and my car is finally out of the ditch. So we push it into the spot we were told to park. After completing this mission, Alex's dad took off for the house, Chris and Mikey ran for the woods (I later find out that they were doing some sweet kung fu on each other) and The rest of us walk into the convenience store to get food. On the walk back to the house, a car approached us. Seth and I move over, but Alex stayed. As the car got closer Alex did a 3 ninja rolls toward us. The driver of that car looked at Alex like an Idiot while Seth and I laughed quite hard. The ninja roll incident was the highlight of my shitty ass night.
I left my job yesterday around 6PM last night. A drive that is supposed to take 20-30 minutes took me over an hour to get home. When I finally did get home, I let my ferrets out to play, filled their bowl, and turned on a movie while I laid on the couch.
I was watching the Thomas Crown Affair (If you haven't seen it, I recommend you do). I was really comfortable, and starting to get a little dozy. Just then my phone rang. It was my buddy Seth.
"Yo man? What's going on?"
"Not much, just sitting on the couch."
"I'm over at Alex's, Just seeing what your doing."
In the background I could hear Alex, Mikey, and Chris (their brothers fyi). for some reason I asked,"Hey man can you ask Alex if I can come over?" I don't know why I said this, because I really would've rather slept. Alex gave his blessings to come over, but not for too long.
"Hey man I don't think we can stay for too long, because Alex and his family are gonna eat dinner and stuff. Are you hungry or anything because I'm starving?"
"No man I'm not hungry, I just ate."
"Shit, well do you wanna come get me and go somewhere and hangout?"
"Yeah sure man."
To cut it short I got in my car to head on over.
Just backing out of my driveway, I knew this was a bad idea. It's snowing allot still and I knew the roads were shitty, but I still went on over. Well I get less than a forth of the mile away from Alex's and my car cannot get up this hill. I was pissed. I tried various tricks to get up this hill and I just couldn't hack it. So i call up Seth and tell him That I'm gonna park in the parking lot of a convenience store, so he can meet me there. As I pull into this parking lot i remember thinking "Watch me get stuck in this shit." As I'm waiting for Seth I try maneuvering around. As I predicted earlier, I was stuck. So Seth pushes me onto the main strip of road, he gets in and we head toward HWY 94.
Well to get onto 94 you have to get up this hill. Since my car has shitty tires, I couldn't get up the hill. So I reverse, trying to get back into that convenience store parking lot. The plan was to ditch the car and walk over to Alex's until the shit blows over, and the roads are clean. Well in a attempt to get into the parking lot, I get stuck at the entrance. Seth and I are fucked again, and this time properly fucked, because I had no traction at all. A Hwy. Dept Snow plow was going by and he saw us, so he came over to help. He dumped a shit ton of salt in front of my car to melt the snow, and so the salt can increase my traction. Well after 10 minutes we're free. We thank him and we try again to get into the lot, and we Succeed.
The owner of the convenience store came out while Seth was on the phone with his mom. I got out and asked if I could leave my car here for the night. He asked that I move it in a spot next to his car. So I get back in put it in reverse, and I'm fuckin stuck again. Seth gets out and tries pushing me, well in the process of this somehow I maneuver into a hidden ditch that is a feature of this parking lot. My front right tire is in, and I cant get it out.
My car currently is in a ditch, and I'm pissed, at the layout of this parking lot. If i just stayed at home none of this shit would happen. Well after a few attempts we gave up and walked over to Alex's house. Alex let us in, and we informed the household of out dilemma. Alex's dad was very confident that he could get me out. Seth and I were doubtful. So we snow suited up. Alex, his dad, Seth, and I all walk on over to this convinced store. While Alex's dad is figuring out a game plan Alex, Seth and I see 2 guys who dressed vaguely like ninjas approaching us. Well those two guys were Mickey, and Chris (Alex's brothers). Alex's dad commandeers my car keys and instructs is to push the car, while he steps on the gas. Well after 4 attempts everyone except Alex's dad, is hopeless.
We then has a 15 minute discussion which during Alex hugs his father and says "C'mon dad give me a hug. Real men hug with their penis facing each other all the time. There is nothing more manly then two thrusting penis's exchanging a hug. Why don't you love me." We all watched and laughed as they hugged. Chris drew a giant penis in the parking lot that was spewing cum. Alex's dad had a epiphany, while we were being jackasses. I was to drive the car while they pushed. Well this plan worked and my car is finally out of the ditch. So we push it into the spot we were told to park. After completing this mission, Alex's dad took off for the house, Chris and Mikey ran for the woods (I later find out that they were doing some sweet kung fu on each other) and The rest of us walk into the convenience store to get food. On the walk back to the house, a car approached us. Seth and I move over, but Alex stayed. As the car got closer Alex did a 3 ninja rolls toward us. The driver of that car looked at Alex like an Idiot while Seth and I laughed quite hard. The ninja roll incident was the highlight of my shitty ass night.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Girls Still in the Past
When I walked into psychology class today I noticed three empty chairs in the front row. "Perfect" I thought. You see, I was saving a seat for my buddy Seth. Things never go according to as you planned, and this situation was no different. Two laugna beach girls walk in and snatched the 2 seats that were next to me. I was pissed then this happened. These girls were "academically ready" according to Seth. They brought with them an assortment of snacks. (Cheetos, Muffins, (2) 32oz drinks from On the Run, and various other goodies). They were also equipped with Blackberry's, and over-sized purses.
During the text conversation Seth and I had while role was being taken, Seth and I agreed that they were "a lil too high, on the high school." He was dead on. During the hour and 30 minute class they texted, talked amongst themselves, ate (while crinkling the cheetos bag), slurped thier beverages, and I listened to the symphany of vibrating ring tones. They also kept playing with thier hair, and colored in pictures of thier names. Nothing is more of a dead give away than coloring, while a lecture is going on. Coloring led me to the conclusion that they are probably at the stage in life where drinking on a school night is "totally awesome." I probably only retained a total of 20 minutes of the lecture because I was distracted by these two bimbos.
I'm not exactly sure what the point of this blog entry is, other than pure frustration at these two girls. During this class period I remembered something. My Ex was just like these two during classes. Keeping this in mind I know what not to look for when looking for girlfriend material. Obviously not what I mentioned above.
During the text conversation Seth and I had while role was being taken, Seth and I agreed that they were "a lil too high, on the high school." He was dead on. During the hour and 30 minute class they texted, talked amongst themselves, ate (while crinkling the cheetos bag), slurped thier beverages, and I listened to the symphany of vibrating ring tones. They also kept playing with thier hair, and colored in pictures of thier names. Nothing is more of a dead give away than coloring, while a lecture is going on. Coloring led me to the conclusion that they are probably at the stage in life where drinking on a school night is "totally awesome." I probably only retained a total of 20 minutes of the lecture because I was distracted by these two bimbos.
I'm not exactly sure what the point of this blog entry is, other than pure frustration at these two girls. During this class period I remembered something. My Ex was just like these two during classes. Keeping this in mind I know what not to look for when looking for girlfriend material. Obviously not what I mentioned above.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Anger
Some times you will see someone who you would love to beat the crap out of. I mean you give them a beating so bad that they must be hospitalized. None of this is done by weapons of any kind, all of this is done with your very own fist. Tonight i saw someone who i felt like punching without a warning. Luckily my friend Joe sensed this rage building inside of me when i saw someone; he acted quickly to persuade me otherwise. If it wasn't for him I'm sure id be in jail right now. For that I am grateful
Friday, January 23, 2009
Backpacks
Why do people buy back packs that can also double as a carry on baggage?
You know what im talking about, the backpacks with the little wheels on them so you can roll it along behind you. Every single time I am behind someone who has one of these retarded backpacks; I feel the urge to kick their belongings, as this useless device is dragged 10 feet behind them. Not only does this half retarded person back up traffic along the narrow hallways, but they look completely ridiculous as well. Seriously, this is a college, not an airport.
You know what im talking about, the backpacks with the little wheels on them so you can roll it along behind you. Every single time I am behind someone who has one of these retarded backpacks; I feel the urge to kick their belongings, as this useless device is dragged 10 feet behind them. Not only does this half retarded person back up traffic along the narrow hallways, but they look completely ridiculous as well. Seriously, this is a college, not an airport.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Female friend knowledge
All guys have lady friends. And the truth is, we have checked our lady friends out at some point.
Please, Every guy does it
So the other day I was sitting in the lounge at my school and I happened to look at a pack of women walking by. Instantly without even thinking about it, I decided on who I would like out of the bunch. Every guy does it. Even the ones that are in relationships. Unconsciously males pick out the girls that appeal to them the most.
I've noticed personally that I've got a thing for women with blue eyes.
Now if a pack of women walk by which I find very unappealing in my head I think "God no," or something else.
Sometimes this can be very disappointing if you notice a woman who has her back faced toward you. We may like what we see, and BAM! When you turn around we're horrified.
The first glance a male makes at a female, decides this thought. Whether this be while we pass in the hall, or when you walk into class. We won't show are reactions if we are alone; but if we are in the presence of another male we will. It can go something like this.
"Dude, check out the girl in the tight jeans." Guy 3
"I know man, I saw her when she was bending over." Guy 4
"The things I'd do to that ass." Guy 3
"I know man, I'm way ahead of you on that thought." Guy 4
or
"Check out that hot brunette." Guy 1
"I know man I saw her earlier." Guy 2
"And you didn't tell me? What the hell man." Guy 1
"Well I gave you the look man." Guy 2
We may trick a fellow man into checking out a girl which is completely ugly, for shits and giggles. This happens from time to time.
Sometimes men will look at a girl and wonder what she looks like naked. You can notice this right away. The male in question will be staring/glancing for more than a few seconds, and will lick his lips at some point. This is a dead give away.
Repeated glances mean that we like a certain asset. This can turn into a liability for the female. This is my advice to those females. If you don't like being looked at, then don't flaunt it.
I personally cant think of much more to add. So ill leave it here till next time.
__________________________________________________________________
Pack- Group of 3 or more women walking or conversing with one another.
The look- In a atmosphere where the female might hear us we will have this discussion via eye movements, and facial characteristics. The same can occur when we want to trash talk a fellow friends girlfriend who is sitting right next to us.
Asset- Breasts, or buttocks that a male likes.
Liability- Unwanted attention
I've noticed personally that I've got a thing for women with blue eyes.
Now if a pack of women walk by which I find very unappealing in my head I think "God no," or something else.
Sometimes this can be very disappointing if you notice a woman who has her back faced toward you. We may like what we see, and BAM! When you turn around we're horrified.
The first glance a male makes at a female, decides this thought. Whether this be while we pass in the hall, or when you walk into class. We won't show are reactions if we are alone; but if we are in the presence of another male we will. It can go something like this.
"Dude, check out the girl in the tight jeans." Guy 3
"I know man, I saw her when she was bending over." Guy 4
"The things I'd do to that ass." Guy 3
"I know man, I'm way ahead of you on that thought." Guy 4
or
"Check out that hot brunette." Guy 1
"I know man I saw her earlier." Guy 2
"And you didn't tell me? What the hell man." Guy 1
"Well I gave you the look man." Guy 2
We may trick a fellow man into checking out a girl which is completely ugly, for shits and giggles. This happens from time to time.
Sometimes men will look at a girl and wonder what she looks like naked. You can notice this right away. The male in question will be staring/glancing for more than a few seconds, and will lick his lips at some point. This is a dead give away.
Repeated glances mean that we like a certain asset. This can turn into a liability for the female. This is my advice to those females. If you don't like being looked at, then don't flaunt it.
I personally cant think of much more to add. So ill leave it here till next time.
__________________________________________________________________
Pack- Group of 3 or more women walking or conversing with one another.
The look- In a atmosphere where the female might hear us we will have this discussion via eye movements, and facial characteristics. The same can occur when we want to trash talk a fellow friends girlfriend who is sitting right next to us.
Asset- Breasts, or buttocks that a male likes.
Liability- Unwanted attention
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Self Realization
There will be many times in ones life when you meet someone and think, "could this be going anywhere?" I have thought about this many times, and usually i have the "WTF moment" and i realize that the person is not for me. I have had a "WTF moment" with every girl i have ever met, with the exception of one (Tommi), lucky her. I think the "WTF moment" is actually supposed to help you when figuring a person out. That realization will tell everything that you needed to hear. I usually get that "moment" very early when i met someone yet i continue, and then when i cant take it anymore... Its over. This one girl i dated meowed. Weird right?
There is a few girls I'm interested in currently, one more than the others. I don't know; lets see how this turns out.
____________________________________________________________________
WTF moment- When you find something out about a person that is a total turn off.
There is a few girls I'm interested in currently, one more than the others. I don't know; lets see how this turns out.
____________________________________________________________________
WTF moment- When you find something out about a person that is a total turn off.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Driving Etiquette
So as I was driving to work today an idea sparked in my head. I personally hate slow drivers in the fast lane. It is the biggest pet peeve of mine in the whole world. So I came up with this idea.
MORE THAN 2 LANES ON HIGHWAY
If you are in the far right lane, which im only in if im merging on the highway or preparing to exit off, you can do the speed limit up to 5mph over the limit.
Every one else must be traveling over at least over 5mph over the speed limit.
FAST LANE USE: Traveling more than 10mph over speed limit.
FAST LANE COURTESY: If someone is coming up on you who is traveling faster, move over and let them pass.
2 LANE HIGHWAY
Right Lane- Speed limit to 15mph over (May go into fast lane to pass, but must get over immediately)
Fast Lane - 15mph over the speed limit
_________________________________________________________________
ROAD CREW's, POLICE, MOTORIST ASSIST, TOW TRUCK's, BROKEN DOWN CARS/18 WHEELERS WITH HAZARD/EMERGENCY LIGHTS ON (on shoulder of highway)
MOVE OVER A LANE FOR THIER SAFETY!----SLOW DOWN IF NEEDED!
Nothing pisses me off more than a person who doesnt move over a lane for the people I mentioned above. You are indangering the lives of those people.
MORE THAN 2 LANES ON HIGHWAY
If you are in the far right lane, which im only in if im merging on the highway or preparing to exit off, you can do the speed limit up to 5mph over the limit.
Every one else must be traveling over at least over 5mph over the speed limit.
FAST LANE USE: Traveling more than 10mph over speed limit.
FAST LANE COURTESY: If someone is coming up on you who is traveling faster, move over and let them pass.
2 LANE HIGHWAY
Right Lane- Speed limit to 15mph over (May go into fast lane to pass, but must get over immediately)
Fast Lane - 15mph over the speed limit
_________________________________________________________________
ROAD CREW's, POLICE, MOTORIST ASSIST, TOW TRUCK's, BROKEN DOWN CARS/18 WHEELERS WITH HAZARD/EMERGENCY LIGHTS ON (on shoulder of highway)
MOVE OVER A LANE FOR THIER SAFETY!----SLOW DOWN IF NEEDED!
Nothing pisses me off more than a person who doesnt move over a lane for the people I mentioned above. You are indangering the lives of those people.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Poop
So I had I few friends over the other day, the night was just about to wrap up until Chris brought up the idea of going to Taco Bell. Ryan and I thought it was a great idea. Then Chris said,"Awesome, we'll get some Taco Bell, eat it, then I'm gonna to take a poo."
Then I said, you can take a poo upstairs man, no offense I don't want you to stink up the bathroom in the basement.
Chris didn't say anything, and then it hit me. "Chris you want to take a poo at your house don't you?" Chris then stated "I just find it more comfortable in my normal surroundings." Then Ryan said, "Yeah it took me two weeks to get used to taking a dump a Mizzou."
What just happened here is what I like to call Uncomfortable Poo Syndrome.
I think what bothers most of us when we have to take a poo at someone's house is over what can go wrong. What if I leave a shit streak? What if I clog it? Where is the air freshener? Where is the toilet paper? and the list can go on and on. But I think the biggest reason is that it's uncomfortable. Sure all those things I mentioned before hand could happen, but whats more awkward than knowing people are outside waiting on you to finish pooping. Its so much pressure. Plus if you've been in there for more than five minutes everyone knows that your punishing that toilet. When you walk out you feel a little awkward, because everyone knows what you have just done.
So when the situation arises when a fellow friend has to take a poo, I think you should just let them go home and return after they are finished.
Then I said, you can take a poo upstairs man, no offense I don't want you to stink up the bathroom in the basement.
Chris didn't say anything, and then it hit me. "Chris you want to take a poo at your house don't you?" Chris then stated "I just find it more comfortable in my normal surroundings." Then Ryan said, "Yeah it took me two weeks to get used to taking a dump a Mizzou."
What just happened here is what I like to call Uncomfortable Poo Syndrome.
I think what bothers most of us when we have to take a poo at someone's house is over what can go wrong. What if I leave a shit streak? What if I clog it? Where is the air freshener? Where is the toilet paper? and the list can go on and on. But I think the biggest reason is that it's uncomfortable. Sure all those things I mentioned before hand could happen, but whats more awkward than knowing people are outside waiting on you to finish pooping. Its so much pressure. Plus if you've been in there for more than five minutes everyone knows that your punishing that toilet. When you walk out you feel a little awkward, because everyone knows what you have just done.
So when the situation arises when a fellow friend has to take a poo, I think you should just let them go home and return after they are finished.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Excuses to Have Sex
So me and a couple of friends were trying to figure out excuses when you want to have sex. So this is all we got in about 15 minutes and we couldn't think of any more. Feel free to add on to the list. I will update this as we think of more.
1. Bragging rights
2. Revenge
3. To get over someone
4. Because you don't want to masturbate
5. To join the mile high club
6. The girl has awesome boobs
7. For Fun
8. Sympathy Sex
9. So you have a reason to smoke a cigarette
10. Your bored
11. You cant sleep
12. Condoms Expire Soon
13. Your girl is about to go on her period
14. You haven't had sex in a while
15. Your going out of town
16. Angry sex
17. Make up sex
18. Hotel Sex
19. Motel Sex
20. To add another girl to the "list"
21. Because you've already gotten to 3rd base so you might as well score
22. Drunk Sex
23. You like sex
24. Handcuffed Sex
25. Role play sex
26. Sex games
27. Trying to have a baby
28. You have a "hard on"
29. Your curious
30. To break a record on how many times you can do it in a span of time
31. Break in the couch
32. Break in the back seat of your car
33. Try out new condoms
34. Try out new lube
35. Your horny
36. To make money
37. To try a new position
__________________________________________________
JUST ADDED 1/13/09
38. You took Cialis or Viagra and its over the 4hr Limit
39. Icebreaker
40. Tricked her into cuddling, so it would lead to sex
41. Cardio
42. Your puppy just died
43. Your favorite sports team won
44. You lost a bet
45. Your girl just finished her period
46. Just got out of the hospital
47. Just got out of prison
48. Just got out of a full body cast
49. Just got back from a war
50. To piss her parents off
51. So she would stop talking
52. She wanted to make a movie
53. one of you are already naked
54. You slipped and fell
55. Roofy sex
56. Just got rid of my STD sex
57. Found the cure for AIDs sex
58. Last two people on earth
59. On your deathbed
60. Because she said you could do anything to her
61. Asteroid is about to hit earth
62. To prevent blue balls
63. Just got married
64. To anger god
65. To make "The Grade"
66. To leave on good terms
67. To leave on bad terms
68. To do it like the discovery channel
69. Mating season
70. Because she's not on her period
71. She has a nice ass
72. Desperation
73. She owes you money
74. To get closer to her sister
75. Twins
76. She's rich
77. Legends of being "tight"
78. To commit adultery
79. To get a promotion
80. Just got divorced
81. Single sex
82. To have a one night stand
83. 3 way
84. Group Sex (4 people)
85. Orgy
86. She just turned 18 Sex
87. To be added on the sex offenders list
88. Parents are out of town
89. Parents are in the next room
90. Parents bedroom
91. To lose your virginity
92. Birthday sex
93. To film someone without them knowing
94. Came to fast
95. Didn't make her orgasm
96. Because you can
97. Explore your sexuality
98. To make a porno
99. Because its your job (Porn star)
100. Because you owe her money
101. She's easy
102. She or he had a gun
103. Protect your reputation
104. To one up your friend
105. She got a lot hotter then when you knew her so you got to hit it
106. Because she sucks at blowjobs
107. Nursing home sex
108. Hospital sex
109. Just got my tubes tied sex
110. Just got a vasectomy
111. Camping sex
112. Out of town sex
113. He has a nice car sex
114. Afternoon Delight
115. Morning sex
116. New Years sex
117. Present
118. I forgot to get him a card
119. Owe drug dealer money
120. To get out of a speeding ticket
121. New haircut
122. Holiday sex
123. Higher self esteem
124. She said no condom is required
125. To have sex with someone of a different ethnic background
126. I just broke a bone
127. Your on ecstasy
128. She's a nurse
129. She's a doctor
130. Costume Sex
131. Because she said she swallows
132. She is experienced
133. She's royalty
134. Milf
135. Your bosses daughter so you have something to say when your fired.
136. For old times sake
1. Bragging rights
2. Revenge
3. To get over someone
4. Because you don't want to masturbate
5. To join the mile high club
6. The girl has awesome boobs
7. For Fun
8. Sympathy Sex
9. So you have a reason to smoke a cigarette
10. Your bored
11. You cant sleep
12. Condoms Expire Soon
13. Your girl is about to go on her period
14. You haven't had sex in a while
15. Your going out of town
16. Angry sex
17. Make up sex
18. Hotel Sex
19. Motel Sex
20. To add another girl to the "list"
21. Because you've already gotten to 3rd base so you might as well score
22. Drunk Sex
23. You like sex
24. Handcuffed Sex
25. Role play sex
26. Sex games
27. Trying to have a baby
28. You have a "hard on"
29. Your curious
30. To break a record on how many times you can do it in a span of time
31. Break in the couch
32. Break in the back seat of your car
33. Try out new condoms
34. Try out new lube
35. Your horny
36. To make money
37. To try a new position
__________________________________________________
JUST ADDED 1/13/09
38. You took Cialis or Viagra and its over the 4hr Limit
39. Icebreaker
40. Tricked her into cuddling, so it would lead to sex
41. Cardio
42. Your puppy just died
43. Your favorite sports team won
44. You lost a bet
45. Your girl just finished her period
46. Just got out of the hospital
47. Just got out of prison
48. Just got out of a full body cast
49. Just got back from a war
50. To piss her parents off
51. So she would stop talking
52. She wanted to make a movie
53. one of you are already naked
54. You slipped and fell
55. Roofy sex
56. Just got rid of my STD sex
57. Found the cure for AIDs sex
58. Last two people on earth
59. On your deathbed
60. Because she said you could do anything to her
61. Asteroid is about to hit earth
62. To prevent blue balls
63. Just got married
64. To anger god
65. To make "The Grade"
66. To leave on good terms
67. To leave on bad terms
68. To do it like the discovery channel
69. Mating season
70. Because she's not on her period
71. She has a nice ass
72. Desperation
73. She owes you money
74. To get closer to her sister
75. Twins
76. She's rich
77. Legends of being "tight"
78. To commit adultery
79. To get a promotion
80. Just got divorced
81. Single sex
82. To have a one night stand
83. 3 way
84. Group Sex (4 people)
85. Orgy
86. She just turned 18 Sex
87. To be added on the sex offenders list
88. Parents are out of town
89. Parents are in the next room
90. Parents bedroom
91. To lose your virginity
92. Birthday sex
93. To film someone without them knowing
94. Came to fast
95. Didn't make her orgasm
96. Because you can
97. Explore your sexuality
98. To make a porno
99. Because its your job (Porn star)
100. Because you owe her money
101. She's easy
102. She or he had a gun
103. Protect your reputation
104. To one up your friend
105. She got a lot hotter then when you knew her so you got to hit it
106. Because she sucks at blowjobs
107. Nursing home sex
108. Hospital sex
109. Just got my tubes tied sex
110. Just got a vasectomy
111. Camping sex
112. Out of town sex
113. He has a nice car sex
114. Afternoon Delight
115. Morning sex
116. New Years sex
117. Present
118. I forgot to get him a card
119. Owe drug dealer money
120. To get out of a speeding ticket
121. New haircut
122. Holiday sex
123. Higher self esteem
124. She said no condom is required
125. To have sex with someone of a different ethnic background
126. I just broke a bone
127. Your on ecstasy
128. She's a nurse
129. She's a doctor
130. Costume Sex
131. Because she said she swallows
132. She is experienced
133. She's royalty
134. Milf
135. Your bosses daughter so you have something to say when your fired.
136. For old times sake
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Friends
I personally don't think i have many friends. I find that Id rather be surrounded by people that compliment my personality, than people that you only talk to once a month. So this blog is a tribute to those handful of people.
Kevin Tieber- Ive known this kid since freshman year of high school. I'm proud of this kid for serving our country. Both of us are fond of fast cars, stupid driving, and craziness. This guy is my best friend this is one friendship that will last until I die. I'd trust him with my life.
Chris Reese- Although I kind of hated him at first Chris has this personality that cannot be hated. The guy is a pimp. He is a smooth talker, laid back and charming with the ladies. Chris got me into hockey which is a bad ass sport i must say. I can always rely on him.
Ryan Kaesser- Not really sure what to say about Kaesser. He is a pretty spontaneous kid, and enjoys driving. I can always rely on him and Chris to cheer me up. He seems to be a driven person, I hope he accomplishes what he wants to do.
Dan Burke- This guy was my english teacher my Junior year of high school. What i like most about Dan is that i feel that he and I are kind of the same person. I turn to him when i start going a little crazy and doubting myself. I can always have a deep conversation with this guy no matter what the topic is.
Miguel Moyeno- Now I kind of hated him when both of us ran for Senior Class officer my junior year. My first impression of him was exactly this "Who the fuck are you; thinking you can steal votes from me." This first impression changed very quickly as I started hanging out with him. Miguel is a emtremely driven person. I feel like he thinks about the future, I like this about him. I enjoy Miguel's cockiness and ego although its a little too much for some people, i feel like he is the only other person that can rival my cockiness and ego.
Kelsey Nadler- I was very mean to this girl throughout middle school. I didn't talk to her much in high school until senior year. Kelsey is the sweetest girl i know. She cares about her friends and goes the extra mile. Although she can have some weak points at times, I will always be willing to help her through them.
Seth Hoskins-I met Seth through facebook. talk about a cool ass kid. I enjoy his jokes, and halo skills. Although i haven't known him long, Seth is one guy that has shown his soft side to me, that takes allot of trust.
Alex Determing- I met Alex through Seth. Alex is much like Seth. Alex introduced me to allot of new music, and the skills of innuendo. I appreciate his style in clothing, which i find to be on par with mine.
Andrew Lecrone- I met Andrew in art class my sophomore year. Andrew is a laid back kid, that doesn't like beer. He likes working with his hands, which comes in handy when you need help working on your car haha. The guy loves cars with a passion. Andrew is a good friend, and a awesome drinking buddy. What i like most about him is that he cares about the people around him.
Joe Kapple- I met Joe in the same art class with Andrew. Joe looks vaguely like Justin Timberlake. Joe has OCD, his car never has a spec of dirt on it, i have no idea how he does it. Joe has a good head on his shoulders, and learns from his mistakes.
Mike S- Mike is a awesome guy. Although i just met him, Mike has always surprised me in allot of ways. The guy is hilarious. Mike doesn't give a crap about what you think. If he wants to do it he will.
Amanda Smith- I really didn't talk to Amanda until my 2nd semester of senior year. Amanda has this charming personality which draws people to her. Amanda doesn't like bullshit, and is very up front with people. She is a lovable person, and has killer blue eyes. She is very laid back, and does her own thing.
Niki- She is the one and only person that can piss me off and i can forgive in a half hour. Although i hate her at times, Niki is definitely like a older sister to me. She can be a very picky, and angry at times. I have learned not to piss her off, unless i really want to. She can be sensitive too, which throws me off because i see her as a strong person. She doesn't put up with things she doesn't like, and i really like that about her. Even though she is older than me i still feel like i should protect her. I appreciate how she looks out for me, even though i don't show it. I love her like a sister, I don't know what id do without her support.
Kevin Tieber- Ive known this kid since freshman year of high school. I'm proud of this kid for serving our country. Both of us are fond of fast cars, stupid driving, and craziness. This guy is my best friend this is one friendship that will last until I die. I'd trust him with my life.
Chris Reese- Although I kind of hated him at first Chris has this personality that cannot be hated. The guy is a pimp. He is a smooth talker, laid back and charming with the ladies. Chris got me into hockey which is a bad ass sport i must say. I can always rely on him.
Ryan Kaesser- Not really sure what to say about Kaesser. He is a pretty spontaneous kid, and enjoys driving. I can always rely on him and Chris to cheer me up. He seems to be a driven person, I hope he accomplishes what he wants to do.
Dan Burke- This guy was my english teacher my Junior year of high school. What i like most about Dan is that i feel that he and I are kind of the same person. I turn to him when i start going a little crazy and doubting myself. I can always have a deep conversation with this guy no matter what the topic is.
Miguel Moyeno- Now I kind of hated him when both of us ran for Senior Class officer my junior year. My first impression of him was exactly this "Who the fuck are you; thinking you can steal votes from me." This first impression changed very quickly as I started hanging out with him. Miguel is a emtremely driven person. I feel like he thinks about the future, I like this about him. I enjoy Miguel's cockiness and ego although its a little too much for some people, i feel like he is the only other person that can rival my cockiness and ego.
Kelsey Nadler- I was very mean to this girl throughout middle school. I didn't talk to her much in high school until senior year. Kelsey is the sweetest girl i know. She cares about her friends and goes the extra mile. Although she can have some weak points at times, I will always be willing to help her through them.
Seth Hoskins-I met Seth through facebook. talk about a cool ass kid. I enjoy his jokes, and halo skills. Although i haven't known him long, Seth is one guy that has shown his soft side to me, that takes allot of trust.
Alex Determing- I met Alex through Seth. Alex is much like Seth. Alex introduced me to allot of new music, and the skills of innuendo. I appreciate his style in clothing, which i find to be on par with mine.
Andrew Lecrone- I met Andrew in art class my sophomore year. Andrew is a laid back kid, that doesn't like beer. He likes working with his hands, which comes in handy when you need help working on your car haha. The guy loves cars with a passion. Andrew is a good friend, and a awesome drinking buddy. What i like most about him is that he cares about the people around him.
Joe Kapple- I met Joe in the same art class with Andrew. Joe looks vaguely like Justin Timberlake. Joe has OCD, his car never has a spec of dirt on it, i have no idea how he does it. Joe has a good head on his shoulders, and learns from his mistakes.
Mike S- Mike is a awesome guy. Although i just met him, Mike has always surprised me in allot of ways. The guy is hilarious. Mike doesn't give a crap about what you think. If he wants to do it he will.
Amanda Smith- I really didn't talk to Amanda until my 2nd semester of senior year. Amanda has this charming personality which draws people to her. Amanda doesn't like bullshit, and is very up front with people. She is a lovable person, and has killer blue eyes. She is very laid back, and does her own thing.
Niki- She is the one and only person that can piss me off and i can forgive in a half hour. Although i hate her at times, Niki is definitely like a older sister to me. She can be a very picky, and angry at times. I have learned not to piss her off, unless i really want to. She can be sensitive too, which throws me off because i see her as a strong person. She doesn't put up with things she doesn't like, and i really like that about her. Even though she is older than me i still feel like i should protect her. I appreciate how she looks out for me, even though i don't show it. I love her like a sister, I don't know what id do without her support.
Another Year
I find that new years eve turns out to be a big let down every year. You picture this one night to be amazing and every year it turns out to be the same... a big let down. I see new years eve as just another day. I think that i have had more fun on a sunday than on new years eve. As another year passes i think im just getting wiser.
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