Moving there was going to be my way out of this routine. I'm bored of being here. Even while I was in high school I told myself that I am going to get away from this place, and explore other parts of this country. A year and a half later, I'm still here, wasting away. Since the beginning, I thought Washington DC would be a good fit for me. Going to DC was actually my goal when I started my first semester of school here. With what I want to do right now, DC is the best place for me to try and pursue that dream.
During the summer this year I changed it to San Fran. I felt like I found my scape goat. When I visited there in October I really did fall in love with the city. But as I started thinking more and more about the situation; I noticed that my priorities shifted from getting away to it being for someone else. I didn't think that was fair to either her, or myself. Lets face it, I would've not been happy if I wasn't going for ME. If your personal happiness isn't satisfied, you can't make someone else happy. I would eventually feel like I sacrificed more than she did, and it would just destroy everything. I would eventually be there, heart broken and feeling completely alone. I would've regretted going in the first place.
I then decided to come back to my original dream. If my dream fails, at least I know I attempted to pursue it. I wouldn't want someone to change everything for me, that in its self would be a burden. We are too young to give up on our dreams, and settle for something. I would hate myself if I didn't at least try.
If I fail I can always go to the city by the bay.
Besides the practical knowledge which defeat offers, there are important personality profits to be taken. Defeat strips away false values and makes you realize what you really want. It stops you from chasing butterflies and puts you to work digging gold.
-William Moulton Marston
I kind of do hope Ellen and I meet again. She definitely left a lasting impression on me. I wonder if I left one on her.
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